


Perchance

by argonautoida



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Bones of the Moonish, Dreams vs. Reality, F/F, F/M, Insomnia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-04 15:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 41,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5339759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argonautoida/pseuds/argonautoida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Armin's dreams start blending with reality, all hell breaks loose and he finds it harder and harder to separate reality from fiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Troublous Dreams

_It’s funny, looking back he can’t remember what he was doing when it happened. He remembers the explosion rips through the town, like thunder. The windows of the supply room shake. He remembers his heart is in his throat and feeling like the ground has fallen away from him. But he doesn’t remember being there in those first moments. He remembers, chaos reigning in the barracks, and the way the other trainees running to the windows. He doesn’t run to see, though. He doesn’t need to. He was there, five years ago, he knows what it sounds like._

_A queasy panic grips the room. The word is whispered like a curse and then screamed like the world is about to end, which in a way he supposed it is. His mind is already whirring. The wall is broken again. Eren and Mikasa aren’t there. There must be a way to patch it. He needs to find a commander because he knows he will be given a duty and he will be expected to fight. He needs to find a way to survey the damage so he can find a way to fix it. He had hoped to avoid battle for just a big longer, but there’s no helping it. It is just like five years ago._

_He supposed he is lucky. He is sent to the supply room and given a task. Make sure the gas tanks are full. His hands have something to do while his mind takes stock of the situation. Even luckier, he saw the damage. There is a rock big enough to plug the hole the titan he had hoped to never see again kicked in the wall. They are too small to move it and this is where his mind starts its destructive cycle of being certain that there is a plan he can’t see and they will all die._

_He must be shaking. He look pale and scared, just like when he was younger, because Eren is beside him asking if he’s okay and he can sense Mikasa hovering in the background and his relief at their presence is not quite overwhelming enough to quiet his panic. He opens his mouth and his thoughts spill out until Eren yells at him to calm down and then everything becomes clear for just a moment._

_“S-sorry. I’m fine,” he manages to stutter out. It is, of course, a lie. But he has never been bad at lying about this sort of thing._

_Within minutes, they are assigned duties. Eren will be with him, all excitement and starry eyes, ready to prove himself. Mikasa says nothing, but he can read the pain in her eyes. Eren isn’t aware. He can’t feel the pain and fear making itself keenly known. All he wants is to kill them, get his revenge. Never mind that Armin’s lost family to them too. Never mind that they all lost their homes. Eren’s lust for revenge is bright and sharp and it intoxicates him._

_Mikasa is not with them. She is too good for her own good. She will be in the rear guard, helping the civilians flee. Her panic at leaving Eren is obvious. Eren just yells at her for being protective and then goes quiet when she tells him not to die. Armin wonders if the thought of his death ever really entered his mind in a real way. Armin thinks about his death in a real way all the time. He just hopes he gets to go beyond the walls just one time before it finds him._

_Then they are standing on the wall. Eren is giving some damn inspirational speech. They are in battle for the first time in their lives and it feel like dying. Armin follows the others off the wall, without a sound. He can’t scream in joy or revenge. All he can do is pray to live and it feels like falling._

_There is a scream and the world goes back._

* * *

Armin wakes in a cold sweat in his room. The dorm room is that hazy early morning blue. Everything is as it should be. Bed, desk, dresser all in place. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea on top of the pile of books by his night stand, place marked by a scrap of paper. Phone charging on his desk. Sweater draped over his reading chair. Eren, his roommate, his best friend, breathes evenly and deeply, sound asleep. The room feels too dark and he reaches out to turn on the lamp by his bed. Nothing happens and panic overtakes him, making him feel stupid and childish for being afraid of the dark. He shuts his eyes tight as his mind reels from the most vivid dream he's ever had.

When he can breathe again, he goes to the window and peers outside. There is a wall, but there is no giant, just ivy and a smooth soccer field on the other side. It must be early. There are no lights shining from any windows. No one is out. Everyone is asleep. He looks at Eren, even stretches out his arm to wake him, but stops. It was just a dream, even if he can still feel his all-consuming fear. Running scared to Eren for help won’t help him. It’s just a childish habit he should drop someday. A glance at his clock tells him that its 4:34 in the morning. He’d have to wake up in and two and a half hours anyway. He sighs and decides to give up on falling back asleep.

Shivering from the morning cold and the after effects of the dream, Armin shrugs on his grandfather's sweater. He unscrews the lightbulb in his lamp, holds it to his ear, and shakes it, listening to the silvery tinkle of the now useless filament and wires. He can get another one in the student store when it opens. He slides under the covers and opens the drawer in his nightstand. He pulls out the cool, silver mini-maglite Mikasa gave him for his birthday, almost a year ago. He grabs his book and opens it, training the thin beam on the pages. He glances at Eren, but he hasn’t moved, still deep in his sleep. He’s read the book close to twenty times, but he doesn’t care. He’s safe underneath the waves with Captain Nemo and his crew. Reading about adventures is as close as he ever wants to get to having one. The dream was too vivid for him. This is better. Just early morning silence, the soft cashmere of his grandfather’s sweater, and pages and pages of ink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first AOT fic and my first fic not specifically for someone, so I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> The world is heavily borrowed from/inspired by Bones of the Moon by Jonathan Carroll, which is a fantastic book that I highly recommend everyone reads. It also inspired the Game of You arc from Sandman. The romance in this piece will be fairly minor in this piece in that it will be a part of it, but the kids will be dealing with bigger problems. The relationship list may be updated as time goes on as might the warnings. If the rating changes/any major warnings are added, I'll put a note at the top of the chapter, but I currently don't see that happening. 
> 
> I am going to do my damnedest to keep this to a weekly update schedule as I'm trying to get myself used to having writing deadlines. Also future chapters will be much longer. I just like short prologues. 
> 
> Please let me know if you liked it or have any thoughts or just want to say hi! I have a writing tumblr (argonautoida.tumblr.com) that is brand new, so feel free to follow for updates and most likely random ramblings, cats, and random crap I find amusing.


	2. But A Shadow

Armin is still reading when the alarm clock goes off. He continues reading as Eren makes incoherent waking up sounds, hits his alarm several times, and plunges the room into silence once more. He is too caught up in the world of the Nautilus to notice.

It is sheer luck that he hears the warning bell. Armin’s attention immediately leaves his book. He glances at the clock by his bed and lets out a yell.

“Eren!” he yells, leaping from his bed and shaking his friend.

Eren opens exhausted eye in alarm. He mutters something incoherent and pulls a blanket over his head.

“We have first period in ten minutes!” he says, pulling the blanket off him and hurrying to his dresser to find a pair of pants that aren’t blue plaid and flannel.

“What happened to the alarm?” Eren asks, awake now and digging madly for anything to wear.

“I don’t know. You must have turned it off,” Armin says, pulling on a pair of faded brown corduroys.

Eren stops what he’s doing and gives Armin an incredulous look.

“You never let me do that,” he says.

“You need to get better at waking yourself up,” Armin says, stuffing two notebooks and his advanced biology and pre-cal books into his bag.

“You look tired,” Eren says, haphazardly throwing books and pens into his bag.

“I didn’t sleep well,” Armin says as they hurry from their room.

“Why?”

“It’s not important. Look! There’s Mikasa,” Armin says evasively. Mikasa waves at them from the opposite end of the courtyard, two napkin wrapped bundles in her hand.

“Does she have breakfast? It looks like she has breakfast. I’m starving!” Eren says.

“I don’t know. Hopefully,” Armin replies.

As it turns out, she does have breakfast. Wordlessly, Mikasa hands them two pop-tarts wrapped in a few napkins. Armin smiles his thanks as he takes a bit, the sugar and artificial strawberry flavor filling his mouth. The courtyard is crowded with students. Armin is positive that he will be late and ruin his perfect record.

“Armin! I need you to go over the history homework with me,” Sasha says, appearing from nowhere and grabbing Armin's arm.

“I, um, okay. I have a break after fourth period,” Armin says, as he’s pulled along by his friends.

“Yay!” Sasha manages to say before Eren shuts the door to the science building behind them.

“You should actually take your break,” Mikasa says quietly.

“I don’t need it and I want to help,” Armin says, shifting his book bag guiltily. The truth is he does need it. His eyes are already feeling heavy and he can feel an impending headache due his sleep deprived state.

“You didn’t sleep,” she continues and Eren shoots him an eye roll.

“Eren turned the alarm off,” Armin says.

Eren’s eye roll turns into a glare as Mikasa rounds on him.

“Why did you do that?” she asks.

“I didn’t mean too. Besides, Armin usually wakes me up if I sleep through it,” he grumbles.

“You need to get better at waking yourself up.”

“Stop nagging me! You sound like my mom.”

Armin grins as they bicker their way to class. It’s easy to make them forget he’s there. Mikasa is too wrapped up in Eren and Eren’s temper is too short. 

They somehow make it to class seconds before the bell, and a good five minutes before their teacher. When Dr. Hange bursts in, she is full of her usual manic energy, and less organized than usual. She bangs he coffee cup down on the desk, sending droplets of coffee across it.

“Alright class! Today, we were going to begin our unit on biochemistry, enzymes, metabolism, and all those fun things. But I have a special project for you instead!” she says as if she is about to offer them the treat of a lifetime.

A ripple of anticipation runs through the class room. Armin sets his pen down and Eren exchanges a grin with him.

“As almost all of you know, I am in charge of the bio lab. And we’ve had an…incident. Sawney, one of my beloved boas has escaped,” Dr. Hange says with a genuine sadness to her voice.

A gasp goes up from the class. In the row in front of them, Krista, a small, sweet blonde, pulls her feet up while Ymir, her girlfriend, puts an arm around her. It would be a stretch to say Armin is surprised by this turn of events. A few weeks ago, they’d gone in search of a tarantula named Bean. Mikasa had found him in the air ducts of one of the labs. Now, whenever Armin entered the room, he felt like something was crawling on him. A few weeks before that, a whole tank of fish had vanished. Armin thought he had seen some in the pond behind the baseball field, but he hadn't told anyone. He liked seeing them in the wild. Who was behind it all was currently the biggest source of gossip inn the school.

“Don’t worry! He wouldn’t hurt a fly. Well, not on purpose. I mean, he does eat rabbits, but he needs them to survive. Besides, you’re all far too large for him to eat. Well, maybe not Krista…”

Krista, lets out a small laugh. Ymir leans in to say something soothing to her. Armin can’t see her face, but he is positive that she is glaring at their teacher.

“Okay! Let’s split into groups to track down my sweet, sweet baby. You know the drill. Split yourselves into groups of three. Do it quick, don’t bitc-sorry, complain, and if you don’t have a group, you’re stuck with me!”

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa naturally gravitate towards each other as the rest of classes divides themselves into groups. Dr. Hange surveys the four groups quickly before spitting out assignments.

“Krista, your group will take the third floor. Annie, you guys can take the bio lab itself. Armin, you’ll be on this floor, and my group will take the first floor. If you find him, find me and let me handle him. Especially if you’re under five feet. Just kidding, Ymir. He’s a sweetheart. He’s probably scared and alone, poor thing. Alright! Go! If we finish early, you can take the rest of the period off.”

Soon Eren, Armin, and Mikasa are the only ones left in the empty classroom.

“Well, where should we start?” Eren asks.

It takes Armin a moment to realize that his friends are looking at him expectantly. Normally, he would already have a plan completely formulated, but his mind is elsewhere today. The dream burns bright in his brain.

“The hallway. Sawney is unlikely to be there, but the longer we take before we start barging into classrooms, the better. Once we’ve searched the hallway, we can start on the empty classrooms. We don’t want to cause a panic and I don’t think Dr. Hange wants anyone to know one of her pets has escaped. Again,” Armin says, going into the empty hallway.

“How can you tell?” Eren asks.

“She would be utilizing more than her first period advanced biology class if she didn’t care who knew. There are only twelve of us. The snake could be anywhere,” Armin says, opening the door to a supply closet, but there is no Sawney. Only mops, brooms, and cleaning chemicals with smells that tickle his nose.

When they are done with the hallway, they go into an empty chemistry classroom. Quite frankly, this is the last place Armin wants the snake to be. It could cause the most trouble here and he doesn’t want it to die, for its own sake and for Dr. Hange’s sake. Hange might have strange taste in pets, but he doesn’t doubt her love for them.

“Why didn’t you sleep last night?” Mikasa asks him quietly.

Armin nearly bangs his head on a table as tries to get away from her question.  
"  
"No reason,” he says in a very poor imitation of nonchalance.

“Are you having those weird dreams again?” Mikasa asks.

Armin does bang his head on the table this time, which is as good as admitting that she’s right. 

“What weird dreams?” Eren asks, abandoning his search of the cabinet above the teacher’s desk.

“When we were little, right before the earthquake, Armin had strange dreams. He said that we were all living in a walled city and there were giants outside. The night before the earthquake, he had a dream where they broke through the wall,” Mikasa says as if she isn’t shattering Armin’s world into pieces.

“I don’t remember that,” Armin says more to himself than anyone else.

“Really?” Mikasa says with a confused look on her face. “You used to talk about them all the time. Eren loved hearing about them, but they scared you. The night before the earthquake, you didn’t sleep, remember? You said the dreams would make something come true.”

Armin is still staring at Mikasa as she closes the door of the cabinet she’s been searching. Eren shoots Armin an equally confused look, but he shrugs, unable to help him.

“Get down from there, Eren. You’ll hurt yourself,” Mikasa says.

“I don’t remember any of that,” Eren says, obeying her for once and hopping lightly off the chair.

“It was a long time ago,” Mikasa says.

“They aren’t called giants. They’re titans. And I did dream about them last night,” Armin says, going back to searching under the desks as if this is a normal conversation.

“What happened this time?” Eren asks, sitting on a desk, swinging his legs unconcernedly.

“We were fighting them. And we need to be looking for Sawney,” Armin says.

Eren scoots off the desk and kneels near Armin, to help him look under the desks.

“Why can’t we remember the dreams?” Armin asks.

“I don’t know. It was like five years ago. People forget stuff,” Eren says with a shrug.

“I don’t forget stuff. I can remember the plot of the games we used to play with Mikasa and the names of those kids who used to beat me up,” Armin says.

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t worry. Dreams are just dreams.”

And, apparently, last time they happened, an earthquake destroyed their town. But Armin doesn’t say that part aloud. Eren would say it was not a big deal. Mikasa would mother him. And both of them would worry more than was entirely necessary.

They barely talk about the disaster. This is the most it’s been mentioned in a while. Eren’s mother had been paralyzed by the collapse of their house. His grandfather had died less than a year later due to complications from the injuries he received. Mikasa’s parents lost everything and she had moved in with Eren. They had gotten into the school when they were twelve and it was perfect. No one had to worry about what to do with them anymore and they could still all be together. The school felt more like home than the homes they’d been moved to after the quake did now. Armin liked it, with its dusty, woody smell and stone walls. It reminded him of something from a book.

Sawney is found by Annie, a quiet, severe girl in nearly every one of Armin’s classes. The beast was curled happily next to a space heater under a desk in the biology lab. Dr. Hange nearly cries with relief as she clings to the snake, which is longer than she is, and pets it as if it is a kitten.

“Annie’s group gets five bonus points on the next test! Everyone is free to go. No homework,” Dr. Hange says, stroking Sawney’s head as it curled around her. Armin couldn’t quite shake the idea that it is trying to strangle her.

“Free period!” Eren whoops once they spill into the courtyard. “What should we do?”

“You two barely ate breakfast. The cafeteria should still be serving it,” Mikasa says.

“Sure! Hey, Armin, can you help me with the Chemistry homework? I don’t think I got it and I doubt Mr. Zacharius will buy the whole I-did-the-odd-numbers-instead-of-the- even excuse again,” Eren says.

“Yeah, sure,” Armin replies, mind elsewhere.

“Thanks. Ugh. Look. It’s Jean. You know he’s the reason we lost the soccer match last week? Hey! Kirstein! Learn how to walk yet?” Eren heckles.

“Bite me, Yeager!” Jean shoots back from across the courtyard.

“What an asshole. At least we have next week’s game to try and not totally blow our shot at the nationals this year. Why are you friends with him, Armin?” Eren continues.

Armin doesn’t answer. He’s frozen with his eyes fixed on the sky. He could have sworn he saw three people, streaking across the sky, propelled by motors and pulleys and lengths of thick, sturdy wire. It looks as if they were falling or flying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Next chapter should be out next week. Annie will also make more of an appearance next week.


	3. Some Ill A-Brewing

Almost a week passes and there are no more dreams. Armin convinces himself that it was nothing. A onetime fluke brought on by too much reading before bed, nothing more. Mikasa is remembering it wrong and everything is normal. He ignores the voice in the back of his head that says Mikasa doesn’t make things up and that he always reads far too much before going to sleep every night.

Nothing of note happens. Sawney escapes again during Dr. Hange’s fifth period biology class. Rumors start that she had boobie-trapped the whole lab to catch the culprit. These rumors vanish when a cage of rats disappear the next day. Eren and Jean continue to bicker whenever they see each other, which starts to grate on everyone's nerves. Armin tutors Sasha and she tries to pay him with a whole tray of fresh baked bread she stole from the kitchens. The days turn cold. Armin avoids sleeping too much on principle. He figures he’ll get used to it eventually.

The day before Eren’s big soccer match, Armin’s mind is wandering in Latin class. He doodles people flying from a giant on the edges of his notes. Usually, he is meticulous in his note taking. However, almost three months with Mr. Bozado have taught him that the class is a bit of a joke. He learns more studying on his own.

When the bell rings, it is a relief. Armin packs his bag and hurries for the door. He has debate team after school and he promised Eren he would see him off before he left for the game. Mikasa has promised that once she gets her license, she will drive herself and Armin to every game. For now, all the can do is wish him luck before he goes to the game.

“Armin!” a voice cuts through the crowd.

Armin turns and sees Annie following him. He stops and lets her catch up, which takes no time at all. She’s on the debate team too. Armin sometimes thinks that they are the only two who take it seriously.

“What is it?” he asks, shifting his bag on his shoulder for something to do.

“Is the meeting going to be long today?” she asks.

“Oh, um, no,” Armin says, trying and failing to hide his disappointment.

“It’s just I have an audition for the production of the Nutcracker,” Annie says. It is way of saying that she still cares about the debate team. He smiles at her and she gives him a bare hint of a smile back.

“You can leave whenever you need to. And break a leg! I mean, not literally. Clearly. You need legs to dance. But that’s what they say, right?”

“For theater, yes. But I suppose it counts for ballet as well,” Annie replies.

“Oh. Good. Um, did you do the reading for English?” Armin asks.

“Yes. I swear, if I have to read _Crime and Punishment_ one more time, I will stab someone.”

“You’ve read it?”

“My dad made me read it. I hated every word.”

“I’m enjoying it,” Armin says with a laugh.

“Of course you are,” Annie sighs. “You see things in more shades of grey than anyone I know.”

There is an awkward silence. Neither of them know exactly what to say to that. Luckily, Armin is saved by Moblit Berner, a senior, hurrying up to him.

“Dr. Hange’s calling an emergency meeting of the Science Club. Sawney and Beane are sick,” he says, visibly flustered. Moblit is always flustered.

"They wouldn't get sick if she kept them in better cages," Annie says under her breath.

"What was that?" Moblit asks.

“I have Debate Club,” Armin says quickly. Moblit already looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown. Annie's comment might push him over the edge.

“She says it’s important,” he replies.

“I’m the president. I can’t miss it. Tell her I’ll come after. It’s just a short meeting.”

“Okay. Okay! Thank you,” Moblit says. “Oh! There’s Marlo! MARLO!!!”

Annie watches him go with disinterest before turning back to Armin.

“You are in a lot of clubs, aren’t you?” Annie asks.

“Just debate, the school paper, and science. Oh! And I guess student government counts,” Armin says.

“And you’re in all the accelerated courses.”

“I like to keep busy and we have the same course load,” Armin says defensively.

“I guess so. You just…never mind. You look tired,” Annie says bluntly and she reminds him a bit of Mikasa.

“It’s a lot of work. Oh! Look! Marco’s already here. Like I said, it won’t be a long meeting. I’m just handing out our new topics,” Armin says, stepping inside the nearly empty classroom .

Marco, a friendly, freckled boy, is already there in his soccer uniform. He waves merrily at them and Armin goes to sit with him. Annie takes her usual spot in the back and the rest of the club members filter in slowly. When everyone is there, Armin gives out the topics Professor Smith has assigned them and assigns teams. He wonders if it is design or coincidence that he and Annie are working together. The whole thing takes less than thirty minutes. When he dismisses them, Annie bolts before he can wish her luck again or try to work out a time to meet and start researching.

“Are you going to see Eren off?” Marco asks, helping Armin put the classroom back in order after everyone has left.

“Yeah. Well, him, Jean, Reiner, and I guess you too. Eren’s been talking about the game all week,” Armin replies.

“We’re excited. St. Maria Prep has a good team, but we can beat them,” Marco says brightly.

“I hope so,” Armin smiles, pretending to care about sports.

“I have to go. We have a pre-game meeting. Can you finish this yourself?”

“Yes. I’ll see you in a bit!” Armin says cheerfully.

It doesn't takes him long to put the room in order and turn off the lights. He finds Mikasa waiting for him outside the room, just like always.

“I saw Moblit. He said you were to go to the lab as soon as debate club ended,” she says.

“It can wait,” Armin replies.

“He said Dr. Hange asked for you specifically.”

“She did?”

“Yes. You should go. I’ll tell Eren.”

“Okay. Thanks, Mikasa!” Armin says, hurrying towards the chaos that is surely awaiting him in the lab.

* * *

 

_Armin flies through the air and screams fill his ears. He sees them die and he is frozen on a roof. He is picked up by a titan with a beard and he supposes he won’t get to go outside now. There is fear and frustration at not being able to move and a bleak sense of acceptance. This is how he will die. He won’t be brave, but he knew that. He was never brave and now he never will be._

_The giant’s mouth is slimy and smells like blood. Armin is screaming now and when Eren appears, he starts to live again. His hand is grasped and he is flung onto the roof. He is covered in spit, but he is alive. When he turns back, Eren is still in the things mouth. He shakes with the effort of holding its mouth open._

_“Think I’m…gonna die here…?”Eren says, voice clouded with pain and effort. “Hey…Armin…you…you told me about it…so…I’m…going to the outside world…”_

_“Eren! Quickly!”_

_Eren’s arm flies to him. Armin wonders for just a moment why there isn’t more of Eren on the roof next to him. His world goes black and he hears someone screaming and he just wants to die._

_The scream continues until Armin realizes that not only is he the one screaming, but that he can’t scream anymore. When the others find him, he doesn’t speak or move. He huddles in on himself and feels his fear and relieves Eren’s death over and over again. He knows that it went the wrong way. He should have died. It is as simple as that._

_He hears someone say Mikasa and he knows that she’s there. He will have to tell her because no one else can. He doesn’t want to. He knows when he tells her, it will actually be real. Not that it wasn’t real before, because it is painfully real. He wonders if this is a dream and he will wake up soon. He knows it’s not, but he likes to imagine he will wake someplace safe that smells of dust and wood and no one will be dead._

* * *

Someone is shaking him and Armin comes violently to consciousness. He can’t breathe and he has tears on his cheeks. He gasps and the hands grip his shoulders tighter until he comes back to life and can see. Mikasa is staring at him. Her eyes are wild and red. The light is on and he can hear voices in the hallway. There is a silhouette in the door and he thinks it might be Levi, but that doesn’t make sense.

“Mikasa?” he asks when he can breathe and speak like a normal human being.

“There was an accident,” Mikasa says.

Armin sits up. Mikasa doesn’t take her hands off his shoulders. He blinks, clearing the dream from his mind. He notices several things all at once. Eren is not there and his bed is unslept in. His soccer bag is not resting in the middle of the room, where he leaves it after games. His towel, hanging on the door is dry. Eren is not there and it is past midnight. Eren did not come home from the game. There was an accident. Mikasa is crying. Levi is talking to someone very tall with a deep voice, who must be Professor Smith. Something catastrophic has happened. There was an accident and Eren isn't back yet. Armin feels his heart drop as his eyes meet Mikasa’s.

“Eren’s dead,” he says and his words break the world apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed chapter three! And thanks to everyone who left kudos/comments. You guys are the best! Chapter four should be up a little earlier than usual. I'm going home to my Weasley-sized family for Christmas, so I probably won't have a lot of writing time over the next week.


	4. They Do Dream Things True

Eren isn’t dead. He’s hurt, seriously, life changingly injured, and he could still die, but he’s not dead yet. There was a car crash involving a bus from their school and a bus from a rival school. No one was killed. Armin has been asking questions non-stop so he doesn’t have to think, not that it stops him. His mind has always been too loud. Levi drives, Erwin answers. Mikasa sits next to him, shaking in fear and grief. He has his hand on hers because it grounds him and he thinks she needs it.

“What’s his condition?” Armin asks.

“He’s in intensive care, but his condition isn’t critical,” Erwin answers calmly.

“Was anyone else hurt?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Marco Bott, Thomas Wagner, Nac Tius, Mina Carolina and Mylius Zeramuski.”

“Are they okay?”

“We aren’t sure yet. The other students don’t know yet. When we contacted Eren’s parents, his mother told us to tell the two of you and take you to the hospital. His parents are catching an early flight out.”

“Will we be allowed to see him?” Mikasa asks.

There is a pause. Armin silently thanks her for asking the question.

“I don’t know. When we get to the hospital, we’ll figure it out,” Erwin says.

“How long until we’re there?”

“Fifteen minutes,” Levi answers.

The car plunges into silence and Armin tries not to think, but it’s near impossible. He’d been so certain Eren would be dead after his dream, but he’s still alive. He tells himself that the dream didn’t cause it, but he can’t convince himself. He hasn’t told Mikasa. They’ve been with the head of their hall and their year’s adviser since they found out. He doesn’t want them to think he’s crazy and he doesn’t want Mikasa to blame him. He admires both Levi and Erwin and he loves Mikasa like she is his sister. He can’t disappoint any of them.

As they pull up to the hospital, he wonders if Eren still has his arm and leg. He doesn’t ask, though. It would be a weird question and if he had lost his arm and leg and Armin somehow knew, it wouldn’t be explainable. Armin misses the days of concrete explanations for everything.

The hospital is white and sterile. It smells like disinfectant and is filled with a late-night, desperate, quiet energy that speaks of fear and worry and death. They reach the waiting room for the ICU and are instructed to wait. Students they know from their school in sweaty soccer uniforms sit silently. They all have scratches or bruises or bandages. Armin sits next to Mikasa and, without realizing it, Jean, as he watches the adults try and figure out what to do with all of them.

Jean has his head in his hands. He looks tired. Armin wants to talk to him, but find that he can’t. So he just sits, staring ahead. Mikasa is staring at the receptionist so hard, Armin is surprised the woman hasn’t burst into flames.

“Ackerman!” Levi barks suddenly, making Armin, Mikasa, and Jean jump.

Mikasa is at his side in a second, and a kind, round nurse leads her through the doors to see Eren. Armin feels his heart settle a little. If Mikasa is with him, Eren will be fine. That was how it always was when they were little. There’s no reason for it to be any different now.

“Why does she get to go?” Jean askes in a low, raw voice.

“Her and Eren are practically siblings,” Armin explains.

“They told us only family were allowed to see them.”

“I don’t know, Jean.”

“You and Eren are practically siblings too, you know. You follow him around like some kind of blond, hyper-intelligent shadow. It’s weird.” 

"I, um…oh,” Armin says, not entirely sure what to make of that.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean…sorry. Marco’s pretty badly hurt. He and Yeager were sitting next to each other,” Jean says.

“Oh,” Armin says.

“I don’t know how bad. But he lost a lot of blood. Or it looked like he did. It covered half his face. I don’t think he’s woken up. Eren hasn’t either. But they won’t tell us anything, like we’re stupid kids and we don’t care or we can’t handle it and I get this whole doctor-patient confidentiality bullshit, but I just…fucking Titans.”

“What?” Armin asks, his voice unnatural and his heart hammering in his chest.

“The Titans' bus crashed into us. Like they’re a bunch of brain dead idiots. They beat us in soccer too. They’re kinda unbeatable,” Jean explains.

“Titans?”

“Yeah. The St. Thomas Apostle Titans. They’ve been our rival for like ever. You really don’t pay any attention to sports, do you?”

“Oh, um, I guess not,” Armin says, forcing out a laugh.

“Yeah, well, I don’t blame you. We suck,” Jean says.

Armin doesn’t know what to say to that so he lets the conversation drop. Hours pass. Levi leaves. Erwin stays, answering calls from scared teachers and parents, talking to nurses, giving them updates when he can. Mina has a concussion, Nic has a broken pelvis, Thomas has internal bleeding, and Mylius has three broken ribs and a fractured vertebra. All of them will be okay. There is no word on Eren and no word on Marco and Mikasa doesn’t reappear. He is so tired from lack of sleep and worry that he feels sick. He doesn’t notice when Jean nods off next to him or when Eren’s parents rush in to see him or when the light above him burns out. He doesn’t notice anything, his mind replaying the dream again and again and again, until Erwin shakes his shoulder gently.

Armin blinks up at him in confusion.

“You can go see Eren now,” he says softly.

Armin nods like he is a dead thing. He follows a nurse down a labyrinth of hallways to a large, nondescript room containing six beds. Eren is lying on one next to the window. Marco is next to him. Both are asleep and hooked up to too many machines. Armin wonders how anyone can sleep with the beeping of the heart monitors and the rasping noise of the ventilator. Eren’s mother enfolds him in a soft hug when she sees him. Mikasa is staring at Eren’s sleeping face. In the hallway, Armin can here Dr. Yeager talking sternly to a doctor about Eren’s condition.

“How is he?” Armin asks.

“He broke his left arm, his right leg, and he is in a coma. The doctors are optimistic that he’ll recover, though,” Mrs. Yeager explains gently.

"When will he wake up?"

"We don't know. Soon."

Armin just nods. He still can’t believe Eren’s alive.

“You two look so tired! Why don’t I go get us some tea from the cafeteria? You stay with him. If he wakes up when I’m gone, he’ll be happy you two are here with him. Do you want any breakfast too? I bet they have donuts or oatmeal or cereal. Anything you want. My treat,” Mrs. Yeager says, like they are at home and she is offering them an after school snack and they are still nine.

“I’m okay,” Armin says.

Mikasa nods in agreement.

“Well. I’ll bring you tea. I’ll be right back.”

She leaves, glancing back at the three of them, brow creased with worry. Armin doesn’t know what to do. He goes to Marco to study his chart. He can’t really read it. Dr. Hange has been talking about having a medical unit for the science club, but she keeps getting distracted by more obscure topics. He just know it looks bad. He gives up and sits next to Mikasa.

“I had another dream last night,” he says, his mouth betraying him.

Mikasa looks at him for a moment before returning her attention to Eren. It is a testament to how much he should be worried about the dream that she even looked at him.

“Did he die in it?” she asks.

“I thought he did. He lost his left arm and his right leg and then a titan ate him. He was trying to save me,” Armin says.

“Did he save you?”

“Yes.”

“He’s not dead, Armin.”

“He's hurt. It's just like my dream,” Armin says softly.

“Did anyone else die in your dream?”

“Thomas, Mina, Nac, a lot of people, actually.”

“Thomas is alive. I saw him. And so are Mina and Nac.”

“I don’t think I should sleep anymore,” Armin mutters.

“Armin?”

“If he dies in my dream, and he dies here, then it’s my fault. And even if he doesn’t die, it’s my fault he got hurt.”

"That’s not true,” Mikasa says gently. She is not even looking at Eren anymore.

Armin doesn’t answer because he knows the truth and she’s just being nice. He shuts his eyes just for a moment to try and clear his head. He hears screams and smells blood. His eyes snap open, but there’s no sign that he’s made a sound. He stands and goes to the window, leaning his head against the cool glass. He wishes his dreams didn’t exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all readers, kudos leavers and commenters! You guys are great! Also, there won't be an update next week as its Christmas and I will be traveling halfway across the country to see my huge family, best friend, and hopefully some snow. So enjoy this chapter and look forward to the next one when there will be some sleep deprivation fun times! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it and Happy Holidays/day off (hopefully) from work and school to those who don't!


	5. Rounded With A Little Sleep

Armin goes back to school after thirty hours of waiting for Eren to wake up. He’s been told that he can take as long as he needs, but he insists. He says he doesn’t want to fall behind and that it will help make things feel more normal. He just needs a distraction. He has decided that he won’t sleep. People can die from lack of sleep, but if a sixteen year old from the 1960s can stay up for eleven days straight, surely he can too. Maybe even longer. He has access to coffee and a good reason to avoid sleeping.

Three days drag on. Armin goes to school, takes notes, write paper, lives on coffee, and goes to the hospital. Mikasa hasn’t left Eren’s side and he is not surprised. Eren’s parents always welcome him with kind words and offers of food or drink. None of them notice the bags under his eyes or the way his eyes have gone foggy and his mind wanders. He feels scratchy and worn and finds it odd he has no appetite. He has to force himself to eat because if he doesn’t, people will notice. He can get away with eating a few bites and pushing his food around his plate at school. He eats with Jean, who barely eats. Marco hasn’t woken up. The doctors are afraid of brain damage affecting the right of his body.

“Armin!”

The sound of his name feels like its coming through water. The caffeine is alive in his veins, making him jumpy and the exhaustion clouds his mind. He turns slowly to find Annie standing next to him. He wonders when she appeared. Things have started running together. He could have sworn he was still in math class.

“Yeah?” he responds in what he assumes is a normal, well-rested voice.

“You have my book,” she says.

Armin gives her a confused look before it hits him. He’d forgotten his text book. He’d asked to share with her. He must have put it in his bag by mistake. He smiles mechanically as he digs through his bag and gives it back to her.

“Sorry. I guess I took it by mistake,” he says.

“Are you okay?” Annie asks after staring at him for a moment, book held limply in her hand.

The question takes him aback. He thought he was fooling everyone and Annie isn't someone who lets on that she worries about others' well being.

“Fine. I’m just worried about Eren,” Armin says.It is his usual response to the question these days.

“Oh. You look like crap.”

Armin shrugs. Annie stares at him as her face changes. It becomes monstrous. It turns to muscle and sinew. It is still her and he isn’t entirely terrified. He would know her anywhere. Armin blinks to clear his eyes. Annie goes back to normal. He had read that hallucination was a side effect of sleep deprivation.

“Well…see you later,” Annie says, hurrying off into the crowd.

Armin raises his hand to wave at her or at least he thinks he does. He can’t be sure.

He makes it another eight hours, bringing his total to ninety-two hours. He is sitting with Levi, the person in charge of his dorm. Armin generally likes him, though they don’t speak often. Apparently, he has slacked off on something. His room. Right. He blinks and focuses as Levi goes on and on about how messy it is and how that’s not how they do things in his dorm. He feels like just his head is swimming. Levi says something that he is fairly sure is in a language he knows, but can’t be sure and stands. Armin follows him because that is what he is supposed to do. Levi wears a dark green cape with wings on it.

“Where did you get that?” Armin asks, or thinks he does. He must not, because Levi doesn’t answer him or give an indication that he noticed him at all.

The door to his room is open, which is odd because he doesn’t remember leaving it open. Then he sees Levi holding it for himand remembers. Levi is looking at him expectantly and Armin stares at him blankly. He can see a battle behind him, but that doesn’t make sense. There are no battles right now. The next time he blinks, he is on a roof and Mikasa is looking at him and there are tears in his throat because Eren is dead and he had to tell her and then he is staring at Levi, who is propping him up and looking at him with something akin to concern and fear.

“Armin, when did you last sleep?” he asks.

“Last night,” Armin replies, but it is a clear lie.

“Come on,” Levi says, dragging him down the hallway, still supporting him.

“Where are we going?” Armin asks.

“The infirmary. You need to sleep.”

“I’m okay. Just worried about Eren.”

“If you don’t sleep, you’ll stunt your growth. And you’re already short.”

“Is that what happened to you?”

Levi glares at him and lets out a very long suffering sigh. Armin is pretty sure it is his weakened state that saves him from getting a demerit or at least a lecture. When they reach the infirmary, Levi deposits him on a chair without a word. The hard look in his eyes tells Armin to stay put, so he does, resting his head against the wall. As he fights to keep his eyes open, he wonders if sleeping is as bad an idea as he thinks it is.

Dr. Hannes appears from nowhere, but Armin is getting used to that. He wonders if people have started moving quicker or if he has just slowed down. His temperature is taken and questions are asked. He supplies the normal answers. He is worried about his friend. He has a lot of class work. He has a lot of extracurricular activities. He’s fine.

“I think it’s just stress. I’ll give him a sleep aid and keep him here for the night,” the doctor says to Levi, who suddenly feels a bit more like a parent than Armin is used to.

“Should I contact his parents?” Levi asks.

“Probably. Tell them not to worry though. Sleep problems from stress aren’t uncommon. He’ll be fine,” Hannes says, ruffling Armin’s hair fondly. He is a friend of Eren’s father. He’s known Armin almost his whole life.

“They’re on a dig in Greece. They won’t be able to do anything. It’s fine. Don’t worry them,” Armin says.

Levi stares at him with almost pity in his eyes before nodding. “I’ll tell Mikasa,” he says finally.

“She’ll worry too. I’m fine,” Armin says. He wonders how many times he’s said that he’s fine in the past 93 hours.

“No. You aren’t. Do you want anything from your room?” Levi asks.

“My book. It’s by my bed.”

“Which one?”

Armin pauses. The name is on the tip of his tongue. Something about a monster who isn’t really a monster and there’s a doctor involved. Everything thinks the monster’s name is the same as the doctor’s, but it’s not. The poor thing doesn’t have a name.

“It’s green,” he says.

“I’ll figure it out,” Levi says flatly after a long pause.

Thirty minutes later, Armin has swallowed two little white pills. Levi brings him three green books, but none of them are the one he was reading. He thinks the cover may have been blue. He had been planning on keeping the pills under his tongue and pretending to sleep until he could spit them out, but he wasn’t clever enough to pull it off. There isn’t even time to try and fight sleep before it claims him and he falls into darkness.

* * *

_He can feel Mikasa staring at him, but he can’t stand the thought of looking at her. When she asks if he’s okay, it breaks something in him and he forces out the names of the dead. He half expects her to kill him for surviving or herself for loosing Eren. But she doesn’t. She gives the kind of speech Eren would give and runs into battle, like him, headlong, without a second thought. Everything feels like a dream and time moves in a blur._

_Then, he is flying. Connie is next to him. He has to find Mikasa. Simple thoughts are okay right now. If he can just focus on what needs to be done, he can get out of this alive. And he doesn’t want to lose Mikasa. Not after Eren. Connie is talking next to him, but he can’t hear him. He always talks, which is why he always gets in trouble in class. He’s had three detentions from disrupting class alone. Armin shakes his head, wondering where the thought came from._

_There is a dead titan ahead. A live one stands over it screaming and there is something familiar about it, but he can’t think about that. Mikasa is there and she has to live. Before the thing can kill her, he swoops down and grabs Mikasa around the waist. He pulls her to the roof where Connie is waiting._

_Before he can do more than make sure she’s okay, another titan appears. They freeze. Mikasa is out of gas. He and Connie are running low and he is not good at fighting. They are going to die, which means he will die in real life, just like Eren. Except this is real life, as much as he wishes it wasn’t. When they are saved by the titan who had been standing over Mikasa, plans start to form in his head. And he knows what to do._

_“Hurry up and trade with me,” he says, unbuckling his tanks. “_

_Armin!” Mikasa says. It sounds like there are two of her. One is surprised and horrified. One is worried. He can feel a hand on his and his eyes flutter open._

* * *

 

The room is filled with weak, early morning light. Mikasa is next to him, wrapped in her red scarf. She looks worried.

“Mikasa?” he says as he is dragged back into sleep.

* * *

 

_He explains how useless he is. Mikasa is strong. He is weak. He just needed to see outside the wall once before he died. He asks for a blade to kill himself because he will not live to be eaten. He can still feel the wet, sliminess of the titan’s tongue as he struggled to fight it from earlier. He can still see Eren’s fear and anger as its jaws slammed shut._

_Mikasa tosses his blade off the roof. She won’t leave him for some reason._

_When the plan hits, it is sweet. Excitement of a different sort hums through his veins. There is a flash of a memory that shouldn’t exist. He stands on a stage, next to Annie. People cheer because they have utterly and totally obliterated the competition. Honestly, arguing for capital punishment hadn’t been his first choice, but it was easy. The boy they were debating was over confident. He was easy to topple. They won easily and it was electrifying._

_“Listen to me! I’ve got a plan!” he screams, trying to forget the false memory where everything felt safe and comfortable._

_It is a stupid plan and he is surprised when Connie and Mikasa agree to go along with it. The journey though the city makes him feel sick, like the time Eren dragged him on a roller coaster a few years ago. They fly over a large stone complex enclosed by a fence. There is a smooth soccer field. He feels like he knows it and thinks he can see the small room he shares with Eren. A bell sounds and the courtyard is filled with people. He recognizes Annie’s blonde hair as they fly past. He wonders if he’d know her anywhere._

_When they crash through the windows of Headquaters it is like coming alive again. The others are there. He finds himself most relived to see Marco. He doesn’t know why, but he was certain he was seriously injured or worse._

_As he explains his plan, he is shocked when everyone listens to him. It is a terrible plan. He doesn’t think that they will all survive, but they do. Connie and Sasha have a close call, but they are saved. When it is over, they turn to run, but the titan who saved them is in trouble. Mikasa says they need to save it and the others agree._

_Only minutes later, Mikasa’s impulse to protect and Armin’s to trust it are clear. Eren isn’t dead. The thought makes Armin cry with relief. He was in the titan. He was the titan, which is unheard of, but he doesn’t care. Eren is alive. Mikasa is sobbing. They are all alive_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I changed up my formatting/went back and re-formatted everything at the very good request of a reader, so I hope its a little easier to read now. Thanks to everyone leaving kudos/reviews/favorites/all that good stuff! We are also heading towards getting off cannon, which I am both excited about and wary of.


	6. Give Us Pause

His eyes fly open and the late morning light filling the small infirmary room blinds him. He feels like he’s just run a mile. His heart is pounding and he aches everywhere. His head is fuzzy. When his eyes clear and his heart starts beating normally again, he finds Jean and Annie sitting awkwardly next to him. They wear near identical expressions of worry.

“Where’s Mikasa?” he asks.

“Eren woke up. She went to the hospital,” Annie says simply.

“Are you okay?” Jean asks. “

Yeah, um, I’m fine,” Armin says, leaning back against the bed frame.

“Eren woke up?”

“Yes,” Annie says.

“Dr. Hannes said you can see him after he talks to you and you have some food,” Jean adds.

“Why are you guys here?”

“I was worried about you. And its Saturday, so no class,” Jean says.

Annie just blushes slightly and looks away.

“Any news on Marco?” Armin asks.

“Not yet. I’m going to see him this afternoon, though. Maybe we can both go. Make sure Yeager isn’t trying to kill all the Titans, you know?” Jean smirks.

Armin smiles. The word “titans” still sends a bolt of fear through him, even though he knows it was the team Eren was playing right before the crash.

“You think he blames them?” Armin asks.

“Come on. You know him better than I do. He definitely blames them.” Armin lets out a small laugh.

“I need to go. I just…here’s the book you were reading. I thought Levi might not recognize it,” Annie says, setting his copy of Frankenstein on the bed and leaving.

“I was surprised she was here with that book. Apparently, she ran into Levi and he told her about you and the book. I think she broke into your room to get it,” Jean says.

“Oh,” is all Armin can manage.

“So…are you feeling better? Everyone’s been worried about you.”

“Yeah. I was just stressed out over Eren and, I mean, exams are coming up so I need to start studying and-“

“Calm down. You have a month and a half before exams,” Jean says with a grin.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just nice to see you act like yourself. Well. I’m going to go get some food. Want me to send Annie back in?”

“What? Why?”

“She’s cute and, unlike most people, she’s said more than two syllables to you,” Jean shrugs.

“What does that mean?” Armin says, deciding to play dumb.

“That you’re not as smart as you think you are. I’ll send her in,” Jean smirks and leaves.

Armin sighs. He’d been hoping to get a few minutes to himself to digest the dream. Not that he didn’t want to see Annie. He had actually been glad it had been her and Jean when he’d woken up if Mikasa and Eren couldn’t be there. He got out of the bed, feeling stiff, and began gathering his things. He needed to go to the hospital.

He freezes when he heard the door open. He turned to find Annie, silhouetted by the light from the hall, studying him.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to leave yet,” she says.

“I want to see Eren,” Armin replies, setting his books down on the bed.

“I brought you this,” Annie says, offering him an apple.

“Oh. Thank you,” Armin says as he takes the apple.

“You shouldn’t force yourself to stay awake,” Annie says, sitting on the bed next to the books.

“I wasn’t-"

“I saw how much coffee you were drinking. It will stunt your growth, you know.”

“I’m already short,” Armin says flippantly, sitting on the other side of the books.

“It was stupid of you, Armin.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to sleep.”

“Is it because of the dreams?”

Armin freeze. He runs through his previous five conversations with Annie in less than a second. He can’t remember mentioning the dreams to her. He knows he wouldn’t have told anyone but Eren and Mikasa. Eren is friends with her, but he doubts he told her anything. Annie is not exactly Mikasa’s favorite person, so he doubts she would say anything. The only explanation left is that he told her. He must have said something in the previous 92 hour sleep deprived fog he can’t remember. The thought of not being able to remember recent chunks of his life threatens to send him into a black spiral of terror. Something of his thought process because Annie’s face softens into an almost smile.

“Mikasa told me. Don’t worry about it,” she says quietly.

“Why?” Armin asks, though he thinks he might know the answer.

“She was worried about you and she knows that we talk.”

“Oh, well. Yes. That’s why I wasn’t sleeping,” Armin admits.He feels like the words are lead weights falling from his lips.

“Everyone has bad dreams. They’re nothing but random pictures our brain flashes through at night.”

“Mine aren’t…I had a few before Eren went to the hospital and I didn’t want to sleep. It was the dreams and worrying about Eren. That’s it,” Armin says. He suppresses a shudder at the sudden vivid memory of the blood and carnage of the battle field.

“You’re lying,” Annie says without a shadow of doubt in her voice.

“I’m not.”

“You’re not telling the full truth.”

Armin sighs and runs a hand through his sleep mussed hair. He can feel Annie looking at him. He thinks he can hear cannons far, far away, but that is not possible.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he finally says.

“I know. But…” Annie trails off.

“What?”

“If you ever did, I’d listen,” she says.

Armin looks at her then. She’s looking out the window. The light makes her hair glow white. It hits him then that Jean is wrong. She’s not cute, she’s beautiful.

“Annie?” he asks quietly.

“What?” she responds, turning to face him.

The monster’s face obscures her for just a moment, but it’s enough. He looks at the floor again.

“Thanks,” he says. “For the book. And the apple.”

“It’s fine. I know you like to read and Levi’s clueless. And you need to see Eren, so you need to eat,” she says. “When you feel better, we need to get back to debate club. We’re going against Saint Maria Prep in less than a month.”

“Yeah. Um, we’ll have a meeting this week. If Marco…hopefully Marco will be better by then.”

There is a knock on the door and Dr. Hannes comes in. He shoos Annie out and goes into a lecture about the importance of sleep as Armin eats his apple. When he’s done, Armin is released. Less than an hour later, he is at Eren’s bedside with Mikasa.

Eren is, oddly enough, his usual self. When Armin walks in, he’s snapping at his mother and Mikasa, claiming he can do things himself. His face bursts into a relieved grin when he sees Armin. Armin returns it and sits next to him. Eren’s father offers to buy them all lunch from someplace that isn’t the hospital and he and Mrs. Yeager leaves. With Eren's parents gone, its just Mikasa, Armin, and Eren, which is how Armin likes it if he is to be honest.

“Are you really okay?” Armin asks.

“My arm itches and my leg hurts and I can’t play soccer for the rest of the season. I might have to sit out for track and the beginning of baseball season. But otherwise, yeah. I’m okay,” Eren says.

“Armin stopped sleeping. He had to go to the infirmary last night,” Mikasa said.

“What?” Eren says.

“I’m fine,” Armin says wearily.

“Why weren’t you sleeping?”

“I was-”

“Tell him the truth, Armin,” Mikasa interrupts.

“Fine. I had more of those dreams,” Armin starts.

When he has finished talking about his dreams, Mikasa’s eyes are guarded and Eren is grinning widely. There is a spark of adventure in his eye. Armin has to fight back a smile. It is almost exactly how he guessed they would have reacted.

“So I can turn into a giant monster who kicks just everything’s ass?” Eren asks excitedly.

“I, um, yes. I guess so,” Armin replies.

“Did anyone else get hurt in your dream?” Mikasa asks.

“Yes. A lot of people died, but I don’t know them. I…I’m going to see if they were real. I bet I can find an obituary if…if thye…”

“It’s not real. I’ve already told you,” Mikasa says.

“What about Eren and Thomas and Nac and Mina?” Armin says.

“Coincidence. Look. Marco’s hurt and he’s fine in your dream.” Armin glances at Marco.

There’s been no change. He looks like he’s sleeping peacefully, which only makes Armin hate sleep more. His family hasn’t come to see him yet. His parents are on some retreat where cell phones aren’t allowed and messages can only be delivered once a week. His older sister is studying abroad in some remote location and will be there tomorrow. Next to Eren, he looks unloved. Armin feels guilty. They are friends. He should have visited him.

“Look, just because all these dreams of yours are super vivid or whatever doesn’t mean that they’re real or that me getting hurt is your fault. Dreams are stupid. I had one last week that we were at the beach digging for Mikasa’s socks because she buried them. Also, you weren’t you, but you were, you know?” Eren says.

“I’ve never been to the beach,” Armin says quietly.Even if he slept for close to fourteen hours, exhaustion still tugs at his mind.

“Let’s all go. Once I’m out of here and I can, you know, walk again. I’ve only been once, but I liked it and we’re only a few hours away.”

“Yeah. That sounds good,” Armin says smiling.

“But you have to sleep.”

“I’m fine.”

“Eren’s right. You do too much. You can’t not sleep,” Mikasa says.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to,” Armin snaps back.

“But you weren’t going to. Again,” Mikasa says.

“Wow. I didn’t think you guys ever fought,” Jean says in a drawling voice, sauntering in the room like his old self.

“Kirstein,” Eren says in way of a curt greeting.

“Yeager. Not dead yet?” Jean replies.

“Apparently not,” Eren says smiling.

“Too bad,” Jean says, sitting next to them and smiling.

It is the most civil Armin has ever seen the two of them.

“You catch Eren up on Armin’s insomnia?” Jean asks.

“Yes,” Mikasa replies.

“I’m fine. And please stop talking about me when I’m not there,” Armin says testily.

“I’m sorry,” Mikasa says, even though Armin thinks that she isn’t.

“You didn’t need to tell Annie,” Armin adds quietly.

“She didn’t. Levi did. Remember?” Jean says casually stealing a piece of choclate from the box next to Eren’s bed.

Armin ignores him and stares at Mikasa. He isn’t about to mention the dreams again with Jean there and Mikasa should know what she did. She just gives him a blank, confused, look. He sighs and looks back down at his hands. Spots dance in front of his eyes and he can swear the ground in shaking with giant footfalls.

“How’s Marco?” Eren asks, diffusing the tension for once.

“I don’t know. They won’t really tell me anything. His sister’s supposed to be here tomorrow and she said she’d tell me what they told her. His parents should also find out soon. I just…I guess I didn’t want him to wake up by himself,” Jean says. He stands and pushes open the curtain between the two beds.

“Armin! Tell Jean about your crazy dreams!” Eren says.

Armin briefly wonders if Eren also suffered some brain damage. Eren must realize what he’s done, because his face falls into a sheepish, apologetic grin.

“What?” Jean asks.

“Nothing. Have you done the history homework yet?” Armin says, changing the subject.

“Kinda. I mean, I have the rough draft. Why? You don’t need help.”

“No. But I think I could say more on the policies that lead to Julius Caesar’s downfall. How many pages is your essay?” Armin asks.

“Um…five?”

“Mine’s ten. Do you think Professor Smith will mind if it’s long?”

“Nerd,” Eren says affectionately and suddenly it’s just like old times.

When visiting hours are over and Mikasa is finally shooed out, she, Armin, and Jean go back to school. They stick together all through dinner and until curfew. Armin tries not to look at Annie, who is talking with Mina on the other side of the common room. He is apparently failing because Jean shoots him a knowing grin. Armin blushes and goes back to his game of chess with Mikasa. She isn’t the best player, but Reiner and Bertoldt are playing their own game and Marco is, well, he’s not there.

“Checkmate,” Armin sighs. They’ve played three games in forty minutes.

“So, you talk to Annie?” Jean asks.

“Not about anything important,” Armin says, cleaning up the game.

“You don’t want to play again?” Mikasa asks.

“No. Well, I might see if I can play winner with Reiner and Bertoldt,” he says sheepishly.

“Oh. I see,” Mikasa replies.

“I’ll play you,” Jean offers.

“It’s fine. I might go to sleep,” Mikasa says.

Jean’s face falls as he watches her leave.

“No idea what she sees in Yeager,” he mutters, going back to his magazine.

“I think I upset her. I’ll see you later,” Armin says, hurrying after Mikasa.

He catches up with her just outside the common room. He reaches out and puts his hand on her shoulder to stop her. She turns and gives him the closest thing to an annoyed look he’s ever recived from her.

“Sorry,” Armin says quickly.

“You don’t need to be. I know I’m not as good as you, Reiner, or Bertoldt,” she replies.

“Oh, well, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t upset with me.”

“I’m not. I thought you were upset with me, actually.”

“I’m not, but you told Annie. About the dreams,” Armin says flatly.

Mikasa’s face falls into shock and surprise and she quickly shakes her head. Armin’s heart starts beating quickly as something tries to fall into place in his mind.

“I didn’t. I don’t really talk to her. We don’t get along,” Mikasa says.

“She said you did.”

“She’s a liar.”

“She-”

“I know you two are friends, but be careful around her. I don’t trust her and I’m afraid that she’ll hurt you,” Mikasa says. There is a glint in her eyes that says if Annie does hurt him, she won’t live much longer.

“I think Jean’s trying to set us up,” Armin says quickly.

“Jean needs to mind his own business,” Mikasa says darkly.

Armin laughs and Mikasa smiles at him.

“I am going to my room, though. I told Sasha I’d come back early so we could finish The Walking Dead. She says she’ll get nightmares if she watches it alone. She’s terrified of zombies,” Mikasa says.

“Okay. Good night,” Armin says.

“Good night. Promise me you’ll sleep,” Mikasa says softly as she gives him a quick hug and turns down the hallway towards her room.

Armin doesn’t answer her. Instead, he goes back to the common room and finds Reiner and Bertoldt.

“Hey!” Reiner says with a grin. The cut over his left eye from the accident is nearly healed.

“Hi. Can I play winner?” Armin asks.

“Sure. Think it’s gonna be Bertoldt. He’s been on a role lately. I heard Eren woke up,” Reiner says, moving his bishop to intercept Bertoldt’s rook.

“Yeah. He did. I saw him today,” Armin says.

“And I heard you had to go to the infirmary.”

“I’m fine.”

“I get it. Your friend was hurt, exams are getting close, and you’re in like ten clubs. But you need to look after yourself.”

“I do. And, um, yeah. I’m fine,” Armin says.

“Check,” Bertoldt says quietly.

"Shit! Um…a little help, Armin?” Reiner asks.

“No. That’s cheating,” Armin says with a grin.

Reiner makes a dumb move and Bertoldt wins. Armin is grateful. Bertoldt isn’t talkative. They barely exchange three sentences as they play their game. By the time Armin wins, Annie is gone and Levi is chasing them from the room, ordering them to clean up. When he tells them to get some rest, he gives Armin a pointed look.

* * *

 

Although he is still tired and although he promised Mikasa, it takes Armin a long time to fall asleep. His mind rolls the question of how Annie knew over and over and over in his mind until it has become a mantra for him. Another layer of his brain reminds him quite helpfully that if he dreams of anymore death, someone else will die or get hurt and it really will be his fault, because he knows how to stop it. He has to force himself to think of something else, so he plans. He will spend all his time between classes researching dreams. He will actually ask Eren and Mikasa for the help he thinks they want to give. He will confront Annie about how she really knows about the dreams. As he forces himself to come up with each plan in excruciating detail, his thoughts grown more and more disjointed. Finally, hours after he first shut his eyes, he fall asleep.

* * *

 

_There are cannons pointed at him, Eren, and Mikasa. It’s odd he can’t remember getting there. All he can remember is playing a game of chess with Bertoldt._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And thanks for all the kudos and reviews! They always make me happy. Also that was the longest chapter. I don't know how, but it is.


	7. Still Let Me Sleep

_"What happened?” he asks quietly, even though he knows there are bigger problems than the all-consuming fear that threatens to engulf him.He can't remember how they got there and everything he does remember is vague and foggy. He wonders if memory loss is a symptom of the sort of overwhelming stress he’s been under for hours._

_He kneels next to Eren, supporting his dead weight on his shoulders. Mikasa stands in front of them, ever Eren’s shield, trying to stare down what feels like half the garrison. Armin wonders if she would try to defend him if he were in Eren’s place. He frowns at his unfaithful thoughts. He can taste the soldier’s fear in the air. It is thick and he thinks that he will choke on it. Eren begins to mutter and Armin wishes he could shut him up. They are safe in the silence._

_“I’ll kill you all…” he says just loud enough to be heard. A deranged grin spreads across his face as he comes to consciousness. A ripple of fear rips through the crowd._

_“Eren!” Armin yells because he needs him to be quiet. He needs him to realize what he’s done and get them out of this._

_He can feel Eren’s heart beating through his ribs as he looks around blearily. Mikasa looks back at them in fear and Armin knows that they are thinking the same thing. Eren had killed them all. He will not see the ocean, but he will die with the people he loves. He speaks quickly, shaking his best friends, trying to get him to explain because he sure as hell can’t. Eren's green eyes are wide with fear and suddenly he looks like a little boy. Armin can hear a buzz going up from the crowd. He knows this is bad. The image of a messy room, strewn with books, fills his mind. He doesn’t know where it is, but he wishes he were there. He gets to his feet as Mikasa threatens the commander. He leaves Eren confused and scared behind him and tries to reason with Mikasa and the commander. It is useless, though. He knew it would be._

_Eren declares his humanity. It does nothing. Armin is not surprised when the commander gives the signal to fire the cannon. He knows what kind of world he lives in. He knows what happened to his parents. Then he remembers that they left him behind to travel the world and dig up things long buried. Then he remembers that isn’t true and reality begins to wobble in front of him and he feels like his head is splitting. Tears are spilling down his cheeks. He nearly screams when Eren grabs him by the collar._

_The world disappears in a plume of steam. He knows what has happened, even if he wishes he didn’t. The heat is unbearable and the smell is worse. Mikasa is next to him and her eyes are wide. He sees the world through a giant rib cage. Mikasa accepts it before he does, which does not surprise him. It does surprise him when his friend tell him that he is the only one who can save them. He wishes they could just leave him behind sometimes._

_His mind works quickly as he runs through the steam, releasing his gear and drawing himself up in a salute. He can talk. If he can’t fight, he can talk. He can bargain, he can beg, he can save the only two people left alive that he loves. And he does and it is nothing short of a miracle. And he has a plan. When he tells it to the general, who is the one who really saved them, his heart beats fast and his hands shake, but he knows what he’s saying. When they follow it, he wants to laugh. He is still in the middle of his first battle. He is inexperienced and borderline useless and he’s amazed no one else can see that. He just wants to go home. He has class in the morning and papers to write._

_His plan works. People die and Mikasa is hurt, but it works. Eren forgets himself for a moment. He has to remind him of a promise made in the sterile walls of a hospital or in a dusty street, where he holds a large book and nurses a black eye and skinned knees. He feels, for the first time, like he might actually survive to see the ocean. The world is hell, of course it is, how can it be anything but, but there could be so much good in it. He wonders what it is like to stand on the edge of the ocean and feel the salt in the air. He wonders what a lake of fire smells like and he wonders if the people who came before them left anything behind._

_Eren is taken from them. He knew he would be. It hits Mikasa harder than it hits him. They are told to wait. They are excused from the clean-up. There are questions that need to be answered. They are left alone and Armin feels like he can breathe again. He wants to go to sleep, but an alarm sounds in his head and he remembers that he can’t. Pain surges through his head as he remembers all the false memories that have been flashing through his head for the entire day. He puts his head in his hands and tries not to cry._

_“Armin?” Mikasa asks softly and puts her hand on his shoulder._

_“It’s nothing. Just a headache,” he says with a small smile._

_“Do you think they’ll kill him?” Mikasa asks._

_He shakes his head. He isn’t sure, but he thinks Eren has a chance. They have already talked to the leaders of the Military Brigade and the Survey Corps. They will be present at the trial in three days time. The sky is growing dark. The smell of burning wafts through the window and he wants to vomit. He suppresses a shudder. Mikasa must feel it though. Her hand is still on his back._

_“What’s wrong?” she asks._

_“Who do you think died?” he responds and she is quiet._

_“We can see everyone soon. You should rest, Armin.”_

_He sighs. His headache gets worse and he sees her in the hallway of the place that smells like wood and dust and paper that has been haunting his dreams. Her face is worried and he is exhausted. Her lips move, but he can’t hear her. Behind her, Annie walks, a bag slung over her shoulder, Mina by her side. He knows his brain is trying to tell him something, but for the life of him, he can’t figure it out._

_The next few days pass strangely. He never remembers sleeping, but he must. He finds himself in a bed, in his nightclothes and finds the sky has changed from night to day. He doesn’t remember the interrogations, but knows it made him feel alive in a strange way. He and Mikasa watch the trail. When Levi kicks Eren, Armin holds her back. The fact that she doesn’t break his arm to get to Eren makes him think that maybe she cares about him almost as much as Eren._

_When Eren isn’t killed, a knot leaves Armin’s chest. He and Mikasa are not allowed to see him, but they are allowed to see their friends. When he sees Jean, he smiles in relief. When he sees Annie, his heart feels like its soaring. When he finds out Marco is dead, his heads spins and he feels sick. A part of it was his fault. His plan put them back in battle. He can’t dwell on that, though. He knows that now. If he ever has time again, he will grieve for everyone._

_Mikasa is worried about Eren. He reminds her that they will see him soon. That he is fine because Levi is there and Commander Smith is on his side and the two of them are utterly brilliant in different ways._

_A week passes. Armin’s headaches get worse and he keeps remembering things that didn’t and couldn’t happen. He remembers sitting in a class room and learning history from Commander Smith that feels more like a story and a book than something that might have actually happened, playing a game involving nets and a black and white ball with Eren very poorly at a very young age, helping Annie and Marco set up a class room for a debate and the three of them feeling so carefree it hurts, his grandfather reading him books that don’t exist, and a postcard from his parents from a place called Turkey with white, domed palaces on it. The night before they are to choose their branch, it gets so bad he excuses himself from dinner. Reiner complains about missing out on the chess game Armin promised him and Jean gives him a sympathetic look. Ever since Marco’s death, he has been different. Armin understands._

_He doesn’t make it to the door of the boy’s dorm before he collapses to his knee and holds his head in his hands, suppressing a groan of pain as his world goes black._

* * *

 

It is six in the morning. He’s only slept for a few hours and the exhaustion wears on him. He can’t remember his dream and it makes him feel better. He yawns and grabs his phone from his bedside table. There is a text from Annie. It just reads “My fault. I’m sorry. Don’t look at me like that.” He barely has time to consider what the hell it actually means before exhaustion over takes him and he falls back asleep, his phone still in his hand.

* * *

 

_There is a cool hand on his wrist when he comes too. He is lying in a fetal position in the hallway. Annie is grasping his wrist. The worry that flickers across her face vanishes when his eyes flutter open. The dream, or whatever it was, is still vivid in his mind. It still doesn’t make any sense._

_“What happened?” he asks._

_“You fainted. I’ll go get Mikasa,” Annie says, helping him to sit._

_Before he can ask her anything else, she is gone. He sits with his back to the wall and tries to breathe. When Mikasa finds him moments later, her face is creased with worry. She sits next to him and offers him a cup of water, which he downs gratefully._

_“Annie said you fainted,” she says._

_He nods._

_“What happened?”_

_Armin studies her for a moment before making up his mind. He tells her everything and she listens quietly. He can’t read her eyes, but that’s fine. He just needs to tell someone because maybe he does need help and maybe it won’t make him a burden. When he is finished, Mikasa doesn’t say anything._

_“You haven’t told anyone else?” she asks._

_“I don’t think anyone else would believe me or understand,” Armin replies._

_“Eren would.”_

_“Eren would,” Armin agrees._

_“I don’t think I understand, but you have to tell me whenever this happens. We’ll figure it out,” she says and takes his hand._

_“Okay. Thank you,” Armin says._

_Sometimes, she feels like his mother and sometimes he doesn’t mind it._

_When one of Hange’s titans is killed in the night, he isn’t surprised. Revenge is needed. He is disappointed, though. Petty things like vengeance are nothing compared to what the captured titans could have taught them. He asks himself if he would kill Hange’s titan if it killed Mikasa or Eren. If it was the one who actually killed Marco, would he kill it? And he knows the answer and it terrifies him. He wouldn’t because he knows that one human’s life isn’t worth killing the only good lead they had to save themselves. He isn’t nervous as he waits for his gear to be inspected. He is innocent. He stands next to Annie, who is calm and quiet, and Connie, who is exhausted and talkative. She pretends to be cold and callous, but Armin knows better._

_Armin isn’t surprised that she tells Connie she will join the Military Brigade. She is too smart not to. She’ll be safe there and he doesn’t mind that. When she asks him if he would die if someone told him too, he tells her the truth. One little life isn’t worth all the much in the end. If he has to die, and everyone does, he will do it for a reason. She calls him a weakling. He doesn’t argue with her. In fact, he tells her that she’s a good person. She is surprised and guilty, he thinks. But just for a moment. She tells them she just wants to save herself. Armin is about to protest when he glances at her gear. Its Marco’s. Armin feels his heart drop. He cannot look at her in the same way and tries to silence both the side of him that knows she did it for the right reasons and the side that knows she is now the enemy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An all dream chapter! I didn't quite edit this as much as I usually do, so I hope the quality didn't slip too much. I also think I screwed up some cannon timeline, but I liked the scene a lot, so I hope no one minds. This chapter was also kind of a turning point story wise, so things are gonna get super exciting super soon. This chapter was also originally super different and glossed over a lot of stuff to get back to reality, but then I decided we needed to actually see some more of dream world. It also changes how I'm unfolding the rest of the plot, though this will be the only all dream chapter for quite a while (I think). 
> 
> Thanks as always for the reviews and follows and kudos and all that stuff! Also thanks to everyone who is reading it! The fact that multiple people are reading it makes me want to write it.


	8. Dreamers Often Lie

When Armin wakes up, the sun is shining. His dream sings through his head and his heart is in his throat. He checks his phone, but there is no mysterious text from Annie. The last text he has from her is from over a month ago and a simple “Yes” at the question of if they can meet to research their debate topic. He slips on shoes and his grandfather’s sweater and almost runs down the hall to Mikasa’s room. Annie is a traitor and Marco is dead and he needs help. He bangs on the door until Sasha answers, her hair a mess and her eyes bleary.

“Wha d’you want?” she asks sleepily.

“Where’s Mikasa?” Armin replies.

“Dunno. Food?” Sasha suggests.

“Okay. Thanks. Sorry to have woken you,” Armin says, hurrying away.

“Wait. I want food now,” Sasha says, grabbing a sweatshirt from the back of a chair and yanking on a pair of worn sneakers.

“Okay,” Armin says. He wishes he could tell her not to come. He needs to speak to Mikasa. Alone. Marco died in his dream. Annie is a traitor. Sasha, yawning next to him, wants to sign her life away to fight giants.

“Can you help me with my science homework later?” Sasha asks.

“Sure. It’s the least I can do for waking you up,” Armin replies, voice level as if everything is normal.

“Thanks. And sorry to keep on asking you to help with my homework, but I’m real bad at school. My daddy says I come by it honestly, because he was real bad at school too. I think they’ll kick me out if I screw up one more test."

“It’s fine, really. I like science.”

“It’s why I asked you. Krista offered to help, but she’d bring Ymir and Ymir’s just mean,” Sasha says.“It’s early. You think the waffle station still has the good waffles? I mean, when I get to breakfast, they’re usually all cold or hard.”

Armin nods and listens to her with half an ear. It isn’t hard. He likes Sasha, he really does, but she has a tendency to babble, especially if food is involved. He can’t shake the feeling that something bad will happen today. Once he finds Mikasa, he’ll feel better even though he isn’t sure if she can do anything. He needs to talk to someone and Eren is still in the hospital.

When they reach the cafeteria, Sasha insists on getting him a “Sasha breakfast” to thank him for helping her study. Armin agrees, even though he has some misgivings, and goes to find Mikasa. He spots her easily, but before he can get to her, he is waylaid by Dr. Hange, Levi, and Professor Smith. It all feels a little bit like being surrounded by three parents.

“Did you sleep?” Levi asks bluntly.

“Um, yeah. I did,” Armin replies.

All three adults relax visibly. A twinge of guilt settles in Armin’s stomach. He wonders if he’ll ever sleep regularly again or if the fog created by little to no sleep will just become a part of his life. He has an impulse to hide the coffee in his hand as if it is blatantly telling the adults that he didn’t sleep well.

“Do you know why you aren't sleeping?” Dr. Hange asks with the familiar, obsessively curious gleam in her eye.

"Oh, um, not really. Stress, maybe?” Armin replies shifting uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Please come to us if you have any more problems sleeping,” Professor Smith says. He puts his hand on Dr. Hange's back and she stops peering at Armin like he is under a microscope.

“I will. Thank you. Um, can I go eat my breakfast now?” Armin asks.

“Of course.”

He can feel the three of them looking at him as he wends his way through the empty tables and tired, chatting students. Their worried whispers follow his like a gentle wind. Mikasa is sitting at a large table by the window. She wears her running clothes and her short hair is pulled into a messy ponytail. When he sits down next to Mikasa she smiles at him though her eyes are tight with worry. He wonders how obvious the dark circles ringing his eyes are.

“You look less tired,” she says diplomatically.

“I had another dream. Marco died. Annie is up to something bad. And Hange’s snake died. Except it wasn’t a snake. It was a titan,” Armin says quickly and quietly. He thinks that if he puts off telling her, he never will. That is the beautiful thing about words. As soon as they leave your lips, you can’t pull them back. It’s like ripping off a band-aid.

“Eren was okay though?” Mikasa asks.

“Mostly. He was put on trial for being a titan and then Levi beat him up a little bit. But he’s okay,” Armin says quickly. “Have you heard anything about Marco?”

“No,” Mikasa says.

“Where’s Jean?”

“He’s probably still asleep.”

“Should I tell him?”

“I don’t know.”

“But what about Marco?”

“He’ll be fine,” Mikasa says firmly. He can hear the waver in her voice.

Before he can say anything else, he sees Sasha and Connie making a beeline towards them. They carry trays loaded with what looks like half the cafeteria. When they arrive, Sasha sets one down in front of Armin with a grin.

“There! You’re very first Sasha breakfast. They’re good, right Mikasa?” she says.

Mikasa nods and goes back to her cereal. From across the cafeteria, Krista wave at them and she and Ymir approach the table. Ymir wears a wolf-like grin.

“Sasha! You owe me a favor,” Ymir says, sliding into the seat next to Sasha.

“But-”

“I covered for you when you almost got caught sneaking back on campus.”

“But-”

“I need you to clean up my room. Inspection’s today and I’d rather not deal with it,” Ymir says with a satisfied grin.

“But Armin’s gonna help me study. Please, Ymir-“

“No. Today,” Ymir says harshly.

“Leave her alone, Ymir,” Krista says sweetly.

Krista takes her seat and reaching for Ymir’s hand. Ymir scowls, but settles back in her chair. Sasha shoots a thankful grin at Krista who smiles at her brightly.

“I heard Eren woke up,” Krista says.

“Yeah. Yesterday. We already saw him. He’ll be fine,” Mikasa answers.

“Too bad about Marco, though,” Connie says with a mouth full of hash browns.

Armin feels his heart freeze. Next to him, Mikasa has gone unnaturally still.

“What happened?” Armin asks.

“They’re moving him to the hospital in the city. It’s supposed to have really good brain doctors. Jean said-”

“You talked to Jean?”

“Yeah. He said that Marco woke up last night, after his sister got in, but he was only awake for a little bit. The doctors did some tests and they said he might have permanent damage. Jean’s upset. I mean, I’m upset. I liked Marco. He was a nice,” Connie says sadly.

“He is nice,” Krista insists gently.

“When is he being moved?” Armin asks.

“Soon. Today, I think,” Connie says.

“Poor Marco. I don’t really feel much like studying anymore,” Sasha says as she sadly pokes at her breakfast.

“If you don’t, you’ll flunk out,” Ymir says nonchalantly.

“I didn’t think you cared,” Sasha sighs.

“I don’t but you still owe me a favor,” Ymir replies.

As Sasha picks at her bacon, Krista smiles at Ymir like she can see right through her. Armin sets his fork down decisively.

“I have to do something. Can we study later this afternoon?” he asks.

“Okay. You didn’t finish your Sasha breakfast,” Sasha replies.

“It was good, there was just a lot of it. See you later,” Armin says.

The others say distracted good-byes at his back. He can feel Mikasa’s worried eyes on him. He’s never been able to fool her. Not really.

* * *

 

Reiner is only half awake when Armin knocks on his door. As he rubs sleep out of his eyes, he peers down at him with a look of utter concern.

“What’s up?” he asks groggily.

“Can you drive me to the hospital? I need to see Eren,” Armin says.

“Nah. I don’t have an off-campus pass. Ask Annie. She has a car and gets Sunday passes for some dance thing,” Reiner says.

“Oh. Um. Sure. Okay,” Armin says, heart sinking.

“Sorry I can’t help,” Reiner says, as he closes the door.

It is with more trepidation that Armin knocks on Annie’s door. He needs to confront her about the dreams, but he doesn’t want to. He feels like she’s more intimately involved than she has any right to be and he doesn’t know why. When she answers, her hair is in a tight bun and a large bag is slung over her shoulder. She wears a pair of grey sweatpants over boots and he can just see the top of her leotard peeking out of her hoodie.

“What is it?” she asks.

“Can you drive me to the hospital?” Armin asks.

“Sure,” she says, closing her door behind her and setting off down the hall at her usual fast pace.

“Thank you,” Armin says, hurrying to catch up with her.

“You’ll have to come to my rehearsal first. Sorry,” she adds.

“That’s fine. I have homework. Can I grab some books?” he asks.

Annie nods.

“Meet me in the quad in ten minutes,” she says.

Armin runs to his room, somewhat surprised he managed not to betray his nervousness. The whole interaction has an unnatural shine to it, like something he watched instead of something he did. He throws a few school books and his notebook into his school bag. His movements feel mechanic. They’ll be alone. This is the best chance he’ll have to ask her about the dreams. Maybe they can still be friends, or whatever they are, when all this is over. There is a knock on his door and before he can answer, Mikasa opens it and steps in. She has that look on her face that says she is a whole eight months older than him and he had better damn well listen to her.

“I think you should tell one of the teachers about your dreams,” she says.

“No,” he replies without thinking and zips his bag.

“Why not?”

“They won’t understand. They'll probably think I’m having some sort of stress related mental breakdown. I forced to take time off from school, fall behind, and have to go back home. My parents will come home from Greece and their research will be set back and the dreams won’t stop. It won’t help,” Armin says evenly and calmly, like he’s helping her with her homework.

“Where are you going?” Mikasa asks after a pause. He can tell she is angry with him and hates it.

“The hospital,” Armin replies.

“We agreed not to see Eren today.”

“I’m not seeing him. Well, I guess might, actually. But I’m seeing Marco. I need to…I need to explain,” Armin says, not meeting her eyes.

“It’s not your fault,” Mikasa says, a small burst of her anger coming out.

“The dreams are coming true. Well, sort of true,” Armin says.

“Maybe. Yes. But it’s still not your fault.”

Armin sighs and runs a hand through his hair, messing it up. He smooths it down quickly and pushes past Mikasa.

“Annie’s leaving in ten minutes. I have to meet her in the quad,” Armin says.

“Annie’s driving you?” Mikasa asks.

“Yes. She has an off campus pass.”

“I don’t trust her.”

“I don’t think I do either. But I…” Armin trails off. A flash of her handing Marco’s gear to the inspector fills his mind.

“What?”

“I have to go and I’ll be careful. I’m sorry,” Armin says and finds that he means it.

Behind him, Mikasa sighs and sinks onto Eren’s bed. She pulls Eren’s laptop out from under his bed and turns it on.

“I’m going to start researching your dreams,” she says.

“Th-thank you,” Armin replies, blinking in surprise.

“You need to stop blaming yourself. This will help. And then maybe you can sleep and stop being such an idiot.”

“I’m not an idiot,” Armin says with a smile.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Mikasa says. There is warmth in her voice and Armin thinks she will still be there when he gets back.

 

Annie is waiting for him in the quad. She leads him to a car that seems nice and is definitely new in the student parking garage. When she turns on the car, Swan Lake plays. Armin smiles sadly. His mother took him to see it when he was little. He’d loved it. They drive through the gates in silence. Finally, with the school behind them, Armin takes a deep breath.

“Annie, I need to talk to you,” he says.

“Not now. I need to think about my choreography,” Annie says.

Armin nods apologetically and settles into the chair. There will be time to talk later. Next to him, Annie counts the beats under her breath, her index finger tapping the steering wheel in time. He feels relieved it didn’t come up yet. It is peaceful in the car. He feels almost like he could fall asleep.

* * *

 

Annie’s ballet studio is in an old theater. A young man with dark hair is talking to a tall ballerina with light brown hair. Several other dancers stretch at the barres around the room. Armin feels a clutch of nervousness in his chest. He knows quite suddenly that he doesn’t belong there. He watches awkwardly as Annie climbs the stairs to the stage and approaches the man with dark hair.

“I had to bring my friend with me. Can he sit somewhere?” Annie asks the young man.

“Um, yeah. Sure. He can watch if he wants. Anywhere in the audience is fine.”

Annie turns to Armin and he nods. He takes his seat several rows back and opens his math book. Music floods the room as the dancers start their warm ups. He glances up and sees Annie towards the back. She looks different. Every inch of her is focused on the simple warm ups. The other ballerinas chat with each other or keep their faces relaxed and tired. Not Annie. She is silent and her eyes are mirrors. Armin wonders what she is thinking about.

By the time Armin has finished his math and science homework, the dancers have finished warming up. Armin pulls out his history paper, already heavy with edits, when the music starts. He suddenly finds it hard to concentrate on proof-reading. Annie is onstage with three other dancers. The others are taller than she is and possibly older, but it is Annie who he can’t stop looking at. Each move she makes is filled with the kind of precision he didn’t think was possible. Her eyes flash with pride and passion and she seems to fly at each jump. Armin’s heart feels like it is beating along to each soft thud her pointe shoes make. The four of them move in unison and the dark seriousness of the music suits his mood perfectly. The dance lasts for less than five minutes. When it is over, the man with the dark hair gives all the dances except Annie notes. The music starts and they do it over and over and again until he can see their chests heaving and the sheen of sweat on their backs. He wishes he could silence that part of him that is screaming not to trust her.

When they are finally done, Annie disappears. He watches two dancers rehearse a pas de duex. He finds it less interesting than watching Annie’s dance. When she reappears next to him in the audience, hair wet, dressed in her sweatshirt and loose sweatpants again, she doesn’t say anything. She only watches as he shoves his books back into his bag. She leads him silently from the theater. When they reach the street, the outside world feels too loud and too ordinary.

“Sorry that took so long,” Annie says as they slide into her car.

“It was interesting,” Armin says.

“Are you hungry?”

“I guess,” Armin replies. He isn’t, he’s anxious to get to the hospital and anxious to ask her about the dreams. Annie must be, though. She danced for hours.

They reach a small café and order their food. The woman behind the counter smiles at them knowingly and Armin resists the urge to correct her. They aren’t on a date because there is a very real chance Annie isn’t to be trusted. They are just getting lunch. Annie has been dancing and they still have far to go before they go back to school.

“You wanted to talk to me?” Annie asks after they have been eating in silence for over a minute.

“What?” Armin asks, broken from his over loud thoughts.

“In the car. You said you had to talk to me.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

They sit in uncomfortable silence. Armin can’t bring himself to meet Annie’s pale blue eyes and the sandwich he is eating turns to dust in his mouth.

“Armin?” she asks and her voice is soft and curious and the whole thing feel too intimate.

“Mikasa didn’t tell you about my dreams,” he says. It is the easiest place to start. The question of her betrayal will come.

When Annie doesn’t answer, he knows she’s not quite admitting it. She’s waiting for him to go on. He meets her eyes. She looks as calm as she ever does, but he thinks he can see the panic unraveling.

“I asked her about it. She said that you two don’t talk, which I knew,” Armin continues.

“Maybe I heard it from someone else,” Annie says calmly.

“Mikasa, and Eren are the only ones who know. Well, now you too I guess.”

“What are you asking me?”

“How did you know.”

Annie goes still and then starts to fidget. She never fidgets. She looks young and scared and old all at once and he wonders what he’s done.

“Don’t make me tell you,” she whispers.

“Annie?” he says. Alarm bells are going off in his head and he wonders if there is a way to go back to before the conversation started.

“You don’t want to know. Can we leave it?” she asks fiercely.

“No,” Armin says because how can they? He’s too smart for this and Mikasa was right, again. He shouldn’t trust her. Mikasa has a habit of being right lately.

“Please,” she says and he realizes she is begging. He has never known her to beg and would never expect her too. It scares him in a way he can’t describe and he wants to take her hand and tell her everything will be fine. But he doesn’t. He is compartmentalizing whatever he feels for her. It’s so easy its painful.

“Tell me,” he says. He thinks he is being braver than he ever has before.

Annie is quiet. He thinks she might be shaking. It sends a dagger through him, but he ignores it because that isn’t allowed anymore. He wishes Mikasa were here. Or Eren. They would know how to deal with her with clear minds.

“Not now. Later,” she says.

“Don’t lie to me,” Armin says. His voice isn’t cruel. It is soft and it makes it that much worse.

“I’m not. This just isn’t the right place. I…you should know.”

“Okay,” Armin says. He will try to believe her, even though he can hear Mikasa’s voice in his head telling him not to.

“Do you still want to go to the hospital?” she asks.

“Yes.”

“I’m surprised Mikasa didn’t come too,” she says, getting up and hoisting her bag over her shoulder.

“I’m not seeing Eren. I’m seeing Marco,” Armin says, following her out the door.

Annie freezes like the world is ending. But it is just for a moment.

When they reach the hospital, Annie says she’ll wait for him in the car. She says she doesn’t like hospitals and leaves it at that. Armin can’t help but feel he has made a mistake somewhere. He also feels like he has aged ten years.

“Armin?” Annie calls after him, voice breaking the heavy silence of the parking garage.

Armin turns to look back at her.

“Tell Marco I’m sorry,” she says in a voice that is desperate and earnest and sad.

“Okay,” he calls back.

A wave of relief crosses her face and he doesn’t want to think about it, but he does. One day, he will learn how to silence his mind and how to push thoughts away. But right now, it feels like his world is starting to crack along the edges.

He doesn’t see Eren or Jean or Eren’s family or anyone else as he walks through the hallways, heart pounding. Eren isn’t there when he gets to the room. There is a cup of coffee by the bed and the book his mother had been reading. He must be out. Maybe his parents took him to the little, sad garden. Armin’s glad. He knows how Eren gets when he has to stay someplace for too long. He is relieved that he will be coming home soon. Armin can’t remember the last time he saw Eren so infrequently.

Marco is alone too. A pale pink hoodie draped over a chair hints at the presence of his sister and an additional chair hints at Jean. Armin takes a breath and sits next to him. His freckles stand out against his sickly pale skin and his right eye is covered in bandages.

“Marco?” Armin starts, still not sure what he will say.

Marco doesn’t stir. He didn’t expect him too, but it would have been nice. Armin takes a breath and steadies his beating heart.

“I’m sorry. This is all my fault and I don’t know why it’s happening. I just have to think my way out. I should have…I don’t know what I could have done, actually. But I need you to know that I am going to fix it. When you wake up, we’ll go back to debating. We never agree, I know we don’t, but I miss our conversations.”

Marco still doesn’t respond. The rasp of his breath fills the room. Armin feels sick. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, so he balls them tightly on his lap. He thinks he should go. He said what he needed to stay and it is pointless to stay any longer. Marco probably can’t hear him. Marco probably doesn’t know he’s there and it is awful. He wonders if he should have brought a book to read to him, like people do in movies, that that seems stupidly sentimental. Still. This may be the last time he ever sees him.

“I’m sorry. And, for whatever reason, Annie is too,” he says.

It may have been his imagination, but he swears that Marco’s eye flickers. When it moves again, and Armin sees just a bit of his soft, brown iris, he leaps from the chair. If Marco wakes up, everything will be okay.

“Marco?” Armin says quietly, but he is still. Maybe it was all in Armin’s head after all.

“Oh! I’m sorry.”

Armin looks up. A man with glasses in a doctor’s coat smiles at him kindly from the doorway. Armin peers at him curiously before remembering the doctor Mr. Yeager had been lecturing when he’d first arrived.

“It’s all right. I was just going,” Armin says, standing.

“No. Stay. You’re friends with Eren, right? He’s not here,” the doctor says.

“I noticed. I was visiting Marco, actually. He, um, his eyes, his eye opened. I think,” Armin says.

“I see. That happens sometimes in coma patients,” the doctor says with a pitying look.

“I was just going,” Armin says again. He knows was more than an involuntary reaction, but the doctor makes his skin crawl and he can’t stop thinking about his dreams.

“You were with them in the 104th?”

“What?” Armin asks sharply.

“You are all in the same class, correct?”

“Oh, um, yes. We are," Armin says, though he has a feeling he hadn't misheard the man the first time.

“Such a tragedy,” the doctor says sadly.

Armin nods in agreement and leaves as quickly as he can. His head is starting to pound. He feels like he might be falling apart at the seams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that was long, which amazes me as I started classes this week on top of my job. So this is my last treading water/setting stuff up chapter. I mean, future chapters will set stuff up too, but other stuff will happen. Also, fun fact! I work at a ballet company and my boss may have made a cameo. If you're curious about what Annie's dancing too, its the Dance of the Four Young Swans. Swan Lake is one of my favorites and I feel like it fits this piece and Annie very well. If you're curious, here's a link to the dance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gApOfm4qd0
> 
> Also thanks, as always, for kudos and comments and views! I'm up to 30, which is like twice as much as I ever dreamed of getting, so thank you so much!


	9. Doubt Truth to be a Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually do these at the end, but I got a little less...defined with the dream part of this story, so this is a reminder that the italics are dream world and normal font is not.

"How was he?" Annie asks as Armin slide into the passenger seat.

"Not well. He was unconscious the whole time," Armin replies.

"Then it wasn't much of an apology, was it?" Annie asks.

"I never said I was going to apologize."

"I know. Did you tell him I was sorry?"

"Yes. Why are you sorry?" Armin asks.

"Why are you?" Annie returns.

Armin doesn't answer. Annie doesn't speak. Music fills the car and he can feel something simmering in him. He needs to talk to Mikasa and he needs Eren to get out of the damn hospital. Then he can plan and he can stop this from happening. He is too smart to live like this and he is exhausted and his headache won't go away. He shuts his eyes just for a moment and sees horses and hears Sasha laughing. He snaps them open and finds it odd that he is not in his uniform before he remembers that he doesn't have a uniform.

"We still need to talk," he says as they pull through the gate of the school.

"I know. Later," Annie replied.

"When?" Armin asks.

"You don't trust me anymore, do you?" she asks.

"No," Armin says because honesty is the best idea for this situation.

"Too bad," Annie says.

They don't speak again. Annie parks and goes one way, Armin goes another to find Sasha. He promised he'd help her study and he won't disappoint her though he wants to talk to Mikasa. He texts her anyway, tells her he's back, tells her he needs to help Sasha, and tells her he'll see her at dinner.

Sasha is waiting for him in a study room in the library. Her chemistry book is open in front of her and she is surrounded by snack food. Armin grins when he sees the feast spread out in front of him. Then he remembers that Sasha grew in the forest up without a lot of food and his grin fades. But he knonws that that isn't true. She grew up in a small town in Texas, just a stone's throw from Austin. They are both scholarship students. They had talked about it once. It's the other Sasha, the one in his dreams, that grew up in the forest.

"Armin? You ready to study?" his Sasha asks with wide eyes.

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I got distracted," Armin replies, realizing that he must have been staring into space for a good thirty seconds.

"Hm. You sleeping? Cause I know you were having trouble just a few days back," Sasha says as she helps herself to a large handful of potato chips.

"Yes. I just had a long day."

"You went to see Marco, right?"

Armin nods.

"We don't have to study if you're all upset."

"No. I think this will help. Thank you, though."

"It's no problem."

"What are you having trouble with?" Armin asks with a smile, helping himself to some pretzels.

"Oh, just about everything. But we're supposed to have a quiz about bonds tomorrow and I still can't remember the difference between ionic and covalent and if I fail this class I might lose my scholarship and then I'd have to go on back home and I really don't want to," Sasha says breathlessly.

"Okay. Let's start with that," Armin says, taking the book from her.

Sasha smiles at him and offers him a piece of beef jerky, which he accepts out of politeness. They study until dinner. It feels good and normal. The dreams and Annie feel remote and he wishes that he could freeze in that moment.

After dinner, Mikasa follows him past the common room, where the rest of their friends have created a supportive huddle around Jean. Armin meets his eyes. He looks awful and Armin promises himself he'll find him later and tell him about Marco and what Annie said. And about the dreams.

Mikasa and Armin don't talk until they are in his room and the door is shut behind them. This is against school rules, but Levi doesn't care and Mikasa is basically Armin's sister. She sits on Eren's bed and he sits on his own, fighting the urge to curl in on himself

"Well?" Mikasa asks.

"Annie knows something, but she won't tell me," Armin says. He waits for Mikasa to say she was right and that Annie is a terrible, untrustworthy person.

"What can I do?" she asks.

"I need help," he says and he feels small and there are tears pricking at his eyes.

"Anything. And you know Eren will help too," Mikasa says gently.

"I know. And today. You researched and you didn't find anything, but I think that the more I know, the easier this will be. So that and…I need someone to help me keep an eye on Annie. But you hate her and I don't want to make you-"

"It's fine. I'll do it."

"Thank you," Armin says so quietly he wonders if she heard him.

"You need to sleep. Now."

"I'm so tired of dreaming," Armin murmurs, his body already feeling heavy with exhaustion.

"I'll stay here with you. If it looks like you're having a dream, I'll wake you up," Mikasa says.

"No. You need to sleep."

"I'll be fine. Go to sleep, Armin."

The day catches him and all he can do in nod and curl on his bed, still fully dressed. He thinks he feels Mikasa pull a blanket over him, but he can hardly tell anymore.

* * *

 

_Jean wants to join the Survey Corps and he is shocked. But Marco is dead and Jean is different. They stand close together during Commander Smith's speech. Armin listens carefully, even though he knows what his decision is. When the Commander mentions the basement, Armin's mind goes into overdrive. He must mutter something, because Mikasa gives him a worried look. He smiles and hopes she knows not to worry. It's not a vision. It's his mind working like it should. The speech is not heartening and he can feel himself shaking as the others leave. There are less than twenty people left. Armin wonders if the others are smarter than they all are. He smiles when he realizes everyone else stayed, even if Annie didn't. But he knew she would go. And he doesn't think he can trust her. Even if she did take him to the hospital and dances better than anyone he's ever seen. There a twinge at his temple, and he buries it as he salutes. It will go away eventually. It's just stress, but he has a feeling that is a lie._

_Weeks that he can't remember that well have passed, and he is left with a general sense of battle plans and a growing nervousness. Their first mission is coming up. His brain is filled with all the ways it can go wrong and all the things he wants to see. It is almost anti-climactic when he sees Eren again. It has been weeks since he last talked to him. Armin can't remember ever going that long without speaking to him. The nine of them are resting between exercises when he hears Eren call them. His heart leaps as he waits for the headache that signals anything strange happening these days. But it doesn't come. It really is Eren and he really is there and suddenly everything feels better. Next to him, Mikasa looks like she has seen a ghost and promptly promises to hurt Captain Levi. Eren is told about Marco and how Mikasa got her scar. Jean tells them all he won't die for Eren and tells Eren he can't let them down. It hits him that this is one of the more civil conversations he's ever seen between them._

_Eren sits between he and Mikasa at dinner and it feels like they are still in training. He supposes it will feel real once they are out there. He wonders if Shingashina has changed since he was last there, but he knows it has. It isn't home anymore, though a knot in his stomach says it still feels like it. He is quiet and Mikasa is quiet and everyone else is talking at once. A headache shoots through him and he thinks he sees Mikasa turning off a light in a small, unfamiliar bedroom he is certain he shares with Eren. He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose._

_"Another headache?" Mikasa asks next to him._

_"Yes," he replies. No one else notices, but he thinks Eren's eyes flick towards him for a moment._

_"You should rest. We have a big mission coming up."_

_"I know," he sighs._

_Another wave of pain rocks through him and he fears he will scream or throw up. He doubles over and Mikasa grabs him and hurries him from the room without explanation. Another arm is slung around him and he just catches sight of Eren's wide, worried eyes before he collapses against the side of the mess hall._

_"Armin?" Eren asks. He can feel his hand on his shoulder before Mikasa pulls him away. Through the haze of pain, he manages to think that it is good she'll tell him. He's tired of explaining things. He thinks he sees a bright green light in front of him. When he squints his eyes to get a closer look, the pain in his head compounds._

* * *

 

The clock reads 3:07. His head aches and his eyes are scratchy. Mikasa is sound asleep. He doesn't blame her. The last dream wasn't so bad. If they were all like that, minus the head splitting pain, he wouldn't mind so much. He tries, and fails, to go back to sleep for an hour before he borrows a pair of Eren's too big running shoes. He needs to get out of that room and he doesn't know what else he can do, so he runs around the track. If he is lucky, maybe it will exhaust him so much he can finally sleep without dreaming. He makes two circles before he is sweaty, out of breath, and slightly ill feeling. He nearly has a heart attack when he hears the feet pounding next to him.

"Hey," Reiner says. He is completely calm, as if it is normal for either of them to be running around the track after four in the morning.

"What-" Armin starts.

"I saw you sneak out. Thought I'd follow you because you're not as smart as you think. Levi saw me. I think he was going to kill you because of the whole sneaking out and not sleeping thing, so I said I'd go get you."

"Oh," Armin replies.

"You need to stop this whole not sleeping thing," Reiner says.

"I can manage on very little sleep."

Reiner scoffs. Armin ignores him and runs forward, doggedly. He will complete this lap if it kills him.

"I'll run this one with you, but then we're both going to sleep. I have a freaking chem quiz tomorrow and I don't want to fail."

"Yeah. Okay," Armin sighs.

They run in silence. Armin can tell Reiner is putting on a show of not just walking quickly. He finds it both annoying and endearing and his body screams with exhaustion. When they finish the lap, Reiner stops and stretches. Armin grasps his knees and pants, breath coming out in wheezes.

"You are a stubborn kid," Reiner sighs once Armin has regained the ability to breath and they are walking back to the dorm.

"You know that. Remember when you tried to help me carry my pack?" Armin replies without thinking.

"What?"

"When we were training and I fell behind. You tried to help me, and you did, but I didn't really let you."

"Training for what?"

"The military."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"A little out of breath."

"Yeah, well, you need some sleep. Promise me you'll at least try?" Reiner asks.

Armin nods and they separate. It isn't until Armin is lying on his bed, that he remembers everything he said to Reiner only happened in his dreams. Panic grips him for a moment and his eyes close against his will.

* * *

 

_Mikasa and Eren are peering at him with almost identical worried looks. He feels like they are his parents._

_"Are you all right?" Eren asks as Mikasa hands him some water._

_Armin nods and takes the water. Reiner appears by the stables holding a mug, which he offers to Mikasa once he sees Armin's hands are full._

_"He okay?" he asks._

_"Yeah," Eren replies._

_"He ate something bad," Mikasa says quickly._

_"Ugh. Been there. Well, feel better before the big mission. It'd be a shame to miss the first one because you're sick," Reiner says, ruffling Armin's hair like he's his big brother and leaving._

_"He was in my dream," Armin says after he goes._

_"Reiner?" Eren asks._

_"Yes. We were…I don't know where we were. I was running around a track and it was night. He said I wasn't sleeping and ran with me. It wasn't that interesting," Armin says._

_"No. It sounds peaceful," Mikasa says._

_"I was anxious the whole time. It's probably just worry that I'll fail and die on my first mission," Armin jokes in a strained voice._

_"Don't say that," Mikasa says quietly and Eren goes pale and angry._

_"Sorry. I just feel a little…never mind. I don't think I've been sleeping well. I also had a dream I was watching Annie dance on a stage."_

_"Did she fall?" Mikasa asks._

_"No."_

_"I know you like her, but I don't trust her, Armin," Mikasa says quietly._

_Armin nods in agreement and leaves it to her to figure out what he is agreeing to._

_When they leave the gates, Armin feels his heart soar. He wonders if he is closer to the ocean. He wonders if he'll get to see him home soon. He isn't with Eren and Mikasa. Eren is a secret weapon. He's hidden in the ranks somewhere. Armin and his brigade had been told where, but he doubts that the truth. Mikasa is not so far away in the Third Column, but he wishes she were closer. He wishes the three of them could do this together._

_They haven't been out long when his head starts to ache. He ignores it and tries to focus on the job at hand. If he can throw himself into his work enough, he can get through it. From far away, he hears the sound of a door being pushed open and the pain in his head starts to throb. He shuts his eyes to ignore it, but it feels like he is waking up. A vision of the small, messy room he keeps seeing floods his mind._

* * *

 

Mikasa is awake on the bed opposite him. Eren and Levi are in the doorway. Everything seems wrong.

When he opens his eyes, there is a black flare above him and his arm is raised. He must have been the one who shot it. He fights the urge to put his hand to his head. It won't help him. It won't do anything but alert his commander to his weakness. From far away and underwater, he hears Eren ask Mikasa what she is doing there.

He fights to keep his eyes open, but they are dragged closed. Or at least that is what it feels like. He feels like he is lying still. He can't hear the beat of horse hooves. It smells like dust and wood.

"It wasn't-" Mikasa says softly.

"I know. Let him sleep," Levi replies.

Armin hears someone scream. He tries to open his eyes, but he can't and he feels his body tense.

"What were you …quiet, Eren...Mikasa, put…bed…classes…Armin needs…No… _wait here…quiet…anything…" Eren and Mikasa and Levi say but he can't tell their voices apart anymore._

_When he finally succeeds in opening his eyes, he is racing as fast as he can and there are footsteps behind him. He is certain that his commander is dead and he is on his own. He swallows tears because there isn't time to cry now._

_"Armin was afraid to sleep," Mikasa's voice whispers from far away._

_He barely has time to wonder exactly what that means before he is thrown from his horse. A giant hand pulls his hood back far more gently than it should be able to. When he sees her face, a million things flash through his mind. She is next to him at a podium, she is flipping Reiner over her shoulder in practice, she is dancing with three others on a stage, she is handing in Marco's gear for inspection. He can feel the worlds he has been living in collide and suddenly something makes sense, even though it shouldn't. His head spins and he feels like he is being split in two._

_"Annie?" he says._

_Her eyes widen a fraction._

_"Are we going to have our talk now?"_

_She shrinks and the world dissolves into darkness and_ **suddenly it is just the two of them. He is in his uniform. She is in her leotard and pointe shoes.**

**"I told you we'd talk. You should trust me, Armin."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third reality! Just in case things weren't confusing enough. Third reality will always be bolded. I hope the jumping from dreams to reality to the third place wasn't too confusing for you guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and, as always, thanks for your reviews/kudos/bookmarks!


	10. Either Good or Bad

**Armin laughs because trusting Annie is the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard of and it hurts.**

**“Have you figured it out?” she asks.**

**“Not entirely,” he says because there is no point in his lying yet.**

**“What do you know?”**

**“Either the school or the army is real. The riddle is to figure out which one, and I assume that there is a penalty if I am wrong. Probably everyone dies because that would make utter sense for my life thus far,” Armin says. He feels like he’s coming unhinged.**

**“Almost. Both are real. But they shouldn’t be. That’s a little bit your fault. You should have died a long time ago,” Annie says and there is no emotion in her voice.**

**“In the earthquake or the attack?” Armin asks.**

**“Either one.”**

**Armin wants to go home. He desperately hopes he wakes up in bed and not on the battlefield. This is too much for him and he hates her a little bit for it. The girl in front of him with the pretty hair and the clever mind wavers into a monster and back again and a thought strikes him and he feels ill.**

**“Eren. He’s like you,” Armin says.**

**“Yes. He’s one of a few. If you haven’t figured out the others, I won’t tell you. I don’t know if they know what they are and it’s best if they don’t,” she says and her voices waivers just ever so slightly.**

**“What are you?”**

**“Nothing. Well, barely anything. I’m a monster, but you saw that. I’m a girl who grew up outside the walls and fought with you in Trost. I’m a military brat who wants to be a ballerina. Whatever I am, you like me. We’re almost the same, right? We want-”**

**“How did you get Marco's gear?” Armin asks because he is so tired of hearing her speak.**

**She looks small again. He almost feels bad, but doesn’t. He isn’t sure what she is, but she isn’t human. And neither is Eren, but he cannot think about that. He refuses to because Eren is different than she is. He saved him from the titan and he promised to go to the beach with him and he is his family.**

**“I don’t want to talk about it,” she says and the girl he wishes she were shines through.**

**“I thought you were a good person,” he says softly.**

**“You were wrong,” she says and the bitterness in her voice betrays her feelings.**

**“I still don’t know what you are.”**

**“Don’t ask me to explain. I can’t. It’s a part of the game.”**

**“I don’t want to play.” “Too bad. You’re all playing. Jean, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Reinter, Bertoldt, Krista, Ymir, M-Marco, everyone. Even your teachers or commanders or whatever you want to call them.”**

**“Then what are the rules?”**

**“Defeat him and win.”**

**“Him?”**

**“Yes.”**

**“Well that’s vague.”**

**“I can’t help you,” she says and I sounds like she is sorry.**

**“If I win?”**

**“You choose the reality. Everything goes back to normal and you can all go back to your lives.”**

**“And Eren?”**

**“What about him?”**

**“He’s like you, isn’t he? What happens to him?” Armin asks, making his voice strong.**

**“He doesn’t know. He’s safe,” Annie asks.**

**“And if I lose?”**

**“You were right. Everyone dies.”**

**“Why?”**

**“He likes playing games and thinks he’s smarter than everyone. You were a decent opponent as a boy. It’s part of the reason you didn’t die. He wanted to go against you when you were older.”**

**“Why can’t I remember?” Armin asks.**

**“Because then you’d be a real threat to him,” Annie says. Her voice is low and angry.**

**“And the only rules are you can’t help me and I have to defeat him?” Annie nods. She is wavering. Sometimes, she is the monster, sometimes she wears her uniform, sometimes she wears her leotard.**

**“What happens to Eren if he finds out?”**

**“Nothing good. It’s best the other ones don’t know. It’s better this way. They’re still human.”**

**“If I win, what happens to you?”**

**“Please let me stay,” she says softly and she’s suddenly so honest it makes the world, if they were in a world and not a void, spin.**

**“Why?” he asks and he means it. He is tired of this. He wants to sleep, he wants to wake up, he wants his mother.**

**“I like these worlds. I like cats. I like ballet. I like apples. I like snow. I like books. I like debate. I like driving. I like you. So don’t lose,” she says and she is suddenly very close to him. He doesn’t say anything because there isn’t anything he can say.**

**“I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t be helping you even this much. You just figured everything out.”**

**Her hand his on his arm and he can feel her cool skin through his jacket and cloak and shirt and he hates that he wants to help her. He knows he will. It bothers him. But just because the world is a terrible place it doesn’t mean that there can’t be good in the bad. It doesn’t mean that she can’t be redeemed.**

**“Don’t look at me like that,” she says so quietly he doesn’t quite know what she’s talking about.**

**“Annie?” he says quietly.**

**“Look for what doesn’t belong.”**

**And then she kisses him and he might be kissing her back, but he can’t be sure because the world is dissolving again and she is gone. He hopes wakes up in a bed and not on a battlefield.**

* * *

 

He is in his bed and that is a relief. Mikasa and Eren are talking on the bed opposite him staring at him like they’re afraid. He doesn’t blame them. He gasped to consciousness and he is sitting up and his heart is pounding. Everything is clearer. He thinks he isn’t afraid to sleep and hopes he remembers this in the other world, where they are almost certainly doomed.

“Armin?” Eren asks.

Armin opens his mouth to speak and then closes it again. He looks at Eren, half expecting him to turn monstrous, but he doesn’t.

“You’re back,” he finally says.

“Yeah. This morning. Levi excused us from all our classes. Are you okay?”

Armin nods and then it hits him. Eren’s not wearing his casts. He really is just like Annie.

“What happened to your casts?” Armin asks.

“Got them off. Mikasa told me about your dreams. I want to help too,” Eren says.

“Broken bones take over a month to heal,” Armin says staring at him.

“I heal quick,” Eren shrugs.

“We have a few hours before lunch. We should go to the library.”

“No. Wait. I need…I need a second. I should shower. I didn’t do my history,” Armin says. He feels a bit like he’s drowning.

“Just turn in your eighth draft. You’ll get an A.”

“Are we going to tell the others?” Mikasa asks.

Armin nods and then shakes his head. He finds he needs to talk to Mikasa alone, but knows he can’t. Eren will be suspicious and telling her what Eren is will just upset her. He rubs his eyes until stars burst behind his lids.

“Did you dream?” Mikasa asks.

“Yes. But…I don’t…” Armin starts. And then stops. It all feels like its crashing down on him and he doesn’t know if he can breathe properly.

“What happened?” Eren asks and he is all determination and it breaks Armin’s heart that he doesn’t know what he is. 

“A lot. I know what’s going on now. It’s a game. Annie said-”

“Who?” Eren asks at the same time Mikasa makes an annoyed noise in the back of her throat.

Armin freezes. He looks at Eren, who’s face is clouded with confusion. Mikasa is staring at him too. 

“Annie. She’s in all my classes. She’s…you know her,” Armin says and he wonders if maybe this is just a very realistic yet utterly normal dream.

“She’s small and blonde. She's smart,” Mikasa adds.

“Do you mean Krista?” Eren asks.

“No. They’re nothing alike,” Mikasa says.

Eren looks at Armin, pleading with him to explain, but Armin can’t. He just knows something is massively, massively wrong.

“Eren?” he asks softly, pleading with him just to be joking. He knows he’s not.

“I don’t who you’re talking about,” Eren says.

Mikasa is looking at him like he’s on his deathbed and Eren looks terrified. He can’t know is the only thing that flashes through his mind. Armin lets out a small laugh and arranges his features into something more normal. He shakes his head and puts a hand to his forehead, slumping forward in the picture of exhaustion he doesn’t feel. If anything, he can feel the tension in the room getting worse, but that’s okay. He knows what he’s doing.

“Sorry. I’m still…she’s in the dream world."

“What?” Mikasa asks softly.

“Oh,” Eren says, not quite relieved.

“I think I’ll take my shower now. Then we can go grab lunch,” Armin says like everything is okay.

He gathers his shower stuff in silence. The others are silent too. Mikasa shoots him confused looks and Eren looks out the window, trying to piece it all together. When he is in the hall, he pulls out his phone and sends Mikasa a quick text.

“Don’t say anything. Explain later.”

“OK” is sent back a few seconds later.

He can’t help but let the relief wash over him. He checks his phone for Annie’s number, but doesn’t find it. His heart sinks. When he shuts his eyes, he can hear hoof beats and feel Annie’s hand on his arm.

He tries to plan as he showers and dresses, but all he can think of is what happens if he loses. Eren will be fine, but he and Mikasa will be gone. And he can’t let that happen. The three of them are supposed to be old together. They are supposed to live their lives within five miles of each other and be in each other’s weddings and know each other’s kids and sit in rocking chairs on some porch together when they’re too old to do anything else and remember now. He sighs. He tries to imagine a life without it and finds that he doesn’t think that that life is worth living.

By the time he rejoins them, he has at least the beginning of a plan. Mikasa still looks worried and Eren still looks confused, but he wears a smile and acts like they’re all okay. Like Eren’s arm and leg healing so quickly is normal and that not remembering Annie is fine.

They go to afternoon classes at Armin's insistence. All his teachers skip Annie’s name like she never existed. He watches as Mina, her roommate and best friend, talks with some girl he doesn’t really know. Annie’s existence has been so perfectly erased it feels likes some sort of joke the universe is playing on him. He has been the butt of many jokes in his life, but this one is the worst by far.

Night finally falls and he is finally able to get Mikasa alone. Eren has a lot of catching up to do and Armin fakes business, forcing him to ask Krista for help catching up in English. When Mikasa joins them at their normal study table, he pulls out his math book.

“Didn’t you want me to help you with chapter 10?” he asks, hoping she will catch on.

“Yes, I did,” she says and he breathes a sigh of relief. It’s perfect.

No one will bother them if they think he’s tutoring Mikasa. Eren will be stuck discussing Crime and Punishment with Krista for a very long time as she is by far the most vocal in class. They can finally talk.

“What’s going on?” Mikasa asks quietly as Armin doodles math problems on a piece of scratch paper.

“You can’t tell Eren,” Armin replies.

“Why?”

“Something bad might happen if you do.”

“To Eren?”

“Yes but I don’t know what exactly. Please. Just trust me,” Armin sighs.

“I do,” Miaksa replies.

She is quiet as Armin tells her about the void and Annie and everything else. Her eyes betray everything, though. He can always tell what she’s thinking. Sometimes he thinks he knows her too well. Of course, it doesn’t help that she’s always been a terrible liar. Not Armin, though. He thinks he can lie as easily as breathing and it bothers him.

“So he and Annie are the same?” Mikasa says when Armin finishes.

“Yes. I-I think so,” Armin says and he can’t look at her.

“I won’t tell him. We’ll save him and everyone else,” Mikasa says like it is that simple.

“Mikasa-”

“We have to tell everyone,” Mikasa says firmly.

“No,” Armin says.

“This involves everyone and you can’t keep it from them. Especially after Marco,” Mikasa says.

“I know. I just…we can’t tell them about Eren. I don’t know how they’d react and Annie hinted that there might be others,” Armin says.

“I agree,” Mikasa says.

“You need to tell him everything else.”

“I will.”

“Good. I don’t like lying to him,” Mikasa says.

“I don’t either.”

They work in silence until it’s time for curfew. When they get back to their room, Armin tells Eren almost everything. He listens quietly, but he can see worry painted on his face. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to think Armin is hiding anything.

“Well, guess we just have to beat whatever this thing is,” Eren says.

“I don’t see what else we can do,” Armin replies.

“If he hurts you or Mikasa or anyone else, I’ll kill him.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Armin says, studying his best friend.

Eren has always been prone to saying things like that. He threatened to kill half the kids who used to pick on Armin when they were kids. But this time, he thinks he actually means it.

“You need to sleep. Annie’s probably in the other world and you should definitely talk to her,” Eren says.

“Yes. I know,” Armin sighs.

“Good night,” Eren says and turns off the light.

“Good night,” Armin responds.

* * *

 

_They are going back through the gates triumphant. His squad leader is next to him, congratulating him on a first mission well done. He can hear Hange ahead of him chatting animatedly to an uninterested Levi about her newest breakthrough with Sawney and Bean. Armin’s mind starts working overtime and then his stomach drops. No female titan. Sawney and Bean are still alive. Annie isn’t here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys all enjoyed that! We're entering the last third of the story (I'm like 80% sure). I also just had a few plot realizations and had to rewrite this and my backlog chapters, which was a thing. Thanks to all kudos leavers and for the kind reviews! You guys are the very best!


	11. More Things In Heaven and Earth

_When they are through the gates and they have taken the abuse and praise of everyone lining up to greet them, when they are back at the barracks, when everyone is celebrating the fact that they haven’t died yet and mourning those who have, Armin finds Eren and Mikasa and makes them listen to him. Everything is easier now that he can remember both places. They react almost exactly like they did in the school. Eren doesn’t remember Annie, Mikasa does, and they are both confused and he does not blame them. He doesn’t tell them about the female titan. He can’t let Eren find out what Annie is and that he is the same. It hits him that Eren was probably manufactured to betray everyone, but it doesn’t matter. If Annie was conflicted, if Annie tried to help him, Eren won’t betray them. He’ll fight back and it will be fine. Or so Armin thinks. Quite frankly, he doesn’t have the time to weigh the other options_

_“So we need to find Annie?” Eren asks._

_“Yes,” Armin replies, relief seeping through him._

_“How?” Mikasa asks._

_"She’s from outside the walls, I’m nearly positive.”_

_"Then we should go there,” Mikasa says._

_"How? We can’t just leave. There are soldiers and walls and we’ll be deserters. We could be killed for treason. We’ll definitely be imprisoned,” Armin says quickly, panic rising._

_"Next time we go out, we’ll make a break for it. No one will notice,” Eren says._

_"No one will notice me. Maybe no one will notice Mikasa. Everyone will notice if you vanish,” Armin says. His head it starting to ache._

_"Whatever plan you have, we’ll follow it,” Mikasa says._

_Armin wants to laugh at her and tell her not to trust him. He’s only slightly convinced he’s not insane and he still is never quite sure of himself. They haven’t died yet, and that is a miracle, but he doesn’t think he’s ever really been tested._

_"I don’t have a plan,” he says._

_“When you do, let us know. We’re going to help you. We…if what Annie said was true, we won’t let everyone die,” Eren says._

_“Thank you,” Armin says quietly because what is the use of arguing?_

_“What is it like? In the other world?” Mikasa asks quietly._

_“Safe. None of us are orphans. We…there’s so much more world. We have classes about everything that’s ever happened and it seems like it’s all just stories. There were humans who lived in big cities all over the world and humans who hunted these giant creatures called Mammoths and humans who flew above everything. And everyone’s alive,” Armin says and it all sounds like a dream._

_"When this is over, I hope we get to go there,” Mikasa says quietly._

_"Me too,” Armin says._

_"And its real?” Eren asks and there is just a little bit of skepticism in his voice._

_"Annie said it was.”_

_“What if she was lying? What if this is it?”_

_Armin doesn’t answer. The other world is a paradise. He shouldn’t have offered it to them, especially not Eren. Especially not when his mother is alive and waiting for him._

_“Then we’ll go on fighting,” Mikasa says, answering for him._

_Eren nods and Armin suddenly feels very, very young. He thinks if he closed his eyes, they would be back in their hometown, by the river, his book between the three of them. Despite everything telling him it will only end poorly, his heart soars at the thought of leaving the walls. They have hemmed him in long enough._

_That night, he dreams for the first time in as long as he can remember. He dreams of the ocean as he thinks it is. Annie is there next to him. The wind blows her hair loose and she is smiling._

* * *

The alarm wakes him and his head is fuzzy, but he feels like he has gotten enough sleep for the first time in weeks. Armin hardly pays attention in class as he outlines two plans. Time seems to move in jumps and starts in the other world, so he will plan here where it plods along lethargically. He gets an 87 on a quiz in history and Professor Smith gives him a worried look, which is slightly ridiculous. An 87 is almost an A. Then he realizes that he has stopped caring about grades and begins to wonder is something is actually wrong with him.

It takes him all day, but he finally figures out what he’s doing in both worlds. The first step is telling everyone else. He has Mikasa and Eren help him gather everyone under the pretense of a study group. When they arrive in one of the study rooms in the quiet, comforting library, his heart is pounding.

“You speak in front of people all the time. Just pretend its debate,” Eren says in a vain attempt to make him calm down.

“This is different,” Armin replies in a harsher than he intended whisper.

The air is filled with the hum of voices. He sees Sasha already pouring over her notes and there is a slight pang in his heart. He can help her study afterwards. He will insist upon it. It only seems fair.

“Okay, um, be-before we start, I need to say something,” Armin says.

The room goes quiet. All of their eyes are on him. Well, most are on him. Connie is scribbling something down and Ymir looks as if she can barely be bothered to be there. She continues her whispered conversation with Krista, despite the smaller girl’s insistence that she be quiet.

“This is a formal study group,” Reiner says good naturedly. A small bubbling laugh comes from the group and Armin feels himself start to go red.

"It…I…” Armin says.

He can feel himself losing control so he takes a breath, just like in debate. Eren was right. This is about convincing his audience he is right. When he speaks again, his voice is sure. This is just another topic Professor Smith assigned. It’s fine. He can do this.

“As you all know, I haven’t been sleeping well for...well, for weeks now. And I have decided that you all deserve to know why.”

He is not entirely focused on their faces, but he can hear Krista’s soft gasp of sympathy. Somehow, it makes him feel better.

“I’ve been having nightmares, well, that's not  really the right word for it, but you’ve all been there and they’ve all been…coming…true,” he says nervously. He glances at Mikasa and Eren next to him. Eren smiles and Mikasa nods and he keeps going.

He explains the giants and the hell and the death. The whole thing feels a bit like the time he bargained for Eren’s life. He’d managed to get the right people’s attention then, so maybe he can do that again. When he gets to explaining Annie, he pauses. He studies their faces, but there is nothing. Her words, the fact that there are others, echo through his mind. He continues, trying to convince them that she existed. He wonders if the others know. If they do, he will need to deal with them. The thought of having to kill them crosses his mind and it makes him sick. He can’t imagine killing Sasha or Jean or Reiner or any of them. But he knows that one little life doesn’t matter in the long run. In that way, his dream self and the version of him standing in front of his friends rambling like a madman are the same. When he finishes, they are silent. Sasha, Connie, and Krista look at him with wide eyes. Jean, Ymir, Reiner, and Bertoldt look at him like he’s dangerous and he doesn’t blame them. Maybe he is. He wonders if Marco would believe him if he were there. He knows Annie would, but then again, she’s more a part of this than any of the rest of them, besides himself and possibly Eren.

“Mikasa, do you believe him?” Jean asks, the silence breaking before Armin starts shaking with nervousness.

“Yes,” Mikasa says simply.

“Is there a way we can help?” Krista asks.

“Yes. But-but only if you want to,” Armin says.

“If Krista wants to help, I’ll help,” Ymir says. Armin doubts she believes him.

“You believe him?” Sasha asks, her naivety coming out.

“Hell no. But...its...he's...it can't hurt,” Ymir trails off, looking away.

“I’ll help and, well, it’s a lot to believe, but you’re real smart and you aren’t gonna lie to me. And I don’t think you’re nuts. And I feel like I owe you, for all the tutoring,” Sasha says determinedly.

“Thank you,” Armin manages.

“I’m in. If Mikasa believes him, there’s got to be some truth to it. Besides, like Sasha said, I owe him. We all do. Armin has tutored all of us and does more for this school that anyone, save perhaps Krista. Even if he is having some massive breakdown, we owe it to him to stand with him and help. So, yeah,” Jean says and Armin feels relief wash over him.

The others will follow Jean. He is a better leader than Armin could ever be, and, sure enough, Connie, Reiner, and Bertoldt give their approval. Mikasa and Eren were already with him and he was ready to fight whatever it was with just them, but this is better. 

“What do we need to do?” Jean asks.

“I need to find the anomaly. I don’t…I don’ think it’s any of you. And, who or whatever it is, its male. Annie referred to it as he when we spoke. I honestly don’t know what’s coming. Hopefully I can figure out a way to defeat it,” Armin says.

“How will you know you’ve won then?” Ymir asks.

“We won’t be dead,” Armin says and the room grows heavy. “For now, just keep your eye out for anything unusual.”

There is a general murmur of assent and then Armin finds he doesn’t know what else to say. He sits down and the abruptness of it is comical. The room erupts in nervous, jittery giggles and then lapses into silence as they start to filter out. Krista, Sasha, and Connie stay behind to study. Armin thinks about joining them, but the room feels like its closing in on him. The need to run is overwhelming and when he stands he feels light-headed. Mikasa and Eren stand with him and his unsteadiness does not go unnoticed by either of them. They are by his side as he hurries out. He needs to go to him room, lie now, not to sleep, just to think.

“Armin!” Reiner calls and he stops because he doesn’t think he has a choice.

“Yes?” Armin replies.

“I just want to let you know, we’ll follow you like good little soldiers,” he says with a grin, clapping Armin on the shoulder.

Armin returns the smile shakily. He doesn’t want to be a general and doesn’t want the others to be soldiers. If Annie is right and he can choose the world, he will choose this one. It is barely a question. They will all grow up here and he can see the world. He thinks of his parents, far away, across the dark sea, obsessed with a culture that hasn’t existed in centuries. Even if he hardly ever sees them and even if the postcards he gets from them are either a short note wishing he were there or a long winded explanation of a new find, they are alive. He will follow them. He will sail across the sea one day, or at least stand at the edge of the ocean with his feet in the surf.

"Come on. Let's go to the common room," Eren says.

Armin lets him and Mikasa steer them to their favorite spot by the large windows. They fall into their usual pattern of talking and bickering and he pretends to read. For just a moment, he will let everything be normal.

“Hey, Armin, can I talk to you?”

Armin looks up from his book to find Jean, looking far less cocky than unusual. Curfew is in less than ten minutes and the common room is nearly empty.

“Sure,” Armin replies.

“I figure you’re gonna tell these two anyway, so…” Jean says as he pulls up an extra chair.

“What is it?” Armin asks when Jean has been silent for far too long.

“I think I know what the anomaly is,” he says.

“What?” Mikasa asks.

Armin’s heart is racing because he thinks that this will confirm what he already suspects.

“I…I think that it’s Marco and Eren’s doctor,” Jean says.

"What? No way. He’s just a doctor. I’d have noticed if he was…whatever the hell the anomaly is supposed to be,” Eren says.

“No you wouldn’t. You’re like the least observant person I know,” Jean spits back.

“I think Jean’s right,” Armin says before they can get into a proper argument.

“Why?” Eren asks and he looks a little more worried now that Armin is backing Jean up.

“He…he made me feel on edge, like something was wrong with him,” Armin says.

“Yeah and do you remember his name?” Jean asks, voice serious and scared and low.

Eren starts to answer, but falls silent. Mikasa shakes his head. She looks scared and Armin can’t think of a reason for her not to be.

“So? What do we do?” Jean asks.

“We need to make sure. Eren, do you-” Armin stops suddenly as a bolt of pain splits through his head.

“Armin?” Mikasa asks quietly.

“Are you okay?” Eren echoes.

“Fine,” Armin says as his vision starts to swim. “I just need to think. I’m going to go lie down.”

When he stands, he feels like the world shifts. There are indistinct words and two sets of hands catch him and everything is dark and **Annie is in front of him. She looks terrified.**

**“What happened?” Armin asked.**

**“How did you get here?” Annie asks.**

**“I don’t know,” Armin replies.**

**“Go home. Now.”**

**“I know who he is. He’s the doctor.”**

**“Good,” Annie says and a small smile appears on her stern face.**

**“So I’m right?”**

**“I can’t tell you,” Annie says, but there is something triumphant in her eyes.**

**The world becomes lighter and Annie starts to fade.**

**“Wait!” Armin says. He’s has a million questions and it is a relief to see her again.**

**“We’ll talk soon,” She promises as the** world comes into focus.

Levi, Jean, Eren, and Mikasa are staring down at him. They wear similar looks of relief. Levi peers into his eyes, searching for signs of a concussion.

"Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?” he asks.

“No,” Armin replies.

“Ears ringing?”

Armin shakes his head and Eren and Mikasa help him sit up.

"I think we need to talk,” Levi says.

“I…yes,” Armin agrees.

“What happened?”

“He fainted,” Mikasa says.

“I asked Armin,” Levi replies.

"I fainted,” Armin says.

Next to him, Eren smirks.

“Why?” Levi asks.

"I…actually. I need to tell you something. Well, you, Professor Smith, and Dr. Hange,” Armin says.

“Okay. Come on. The rest of you need to get to bed. It’s curfew,” Levi says, standing.

Jean leaves, but Mikasa and Eren don’t. When Levi realizes this, he just sighs, rolls his eyes, and motions for the three of them to follow him. Armin can’t help but think Levi should have known better. There is an unspoken rule that where he goes, Mikasa and Eren follow. It has always been that way. It is why he’s been to dozens of sporting events even though he finds them tedious. It is why they have come to his debate tournaments. It is why the three of them came to this school. They are like magnets, yanking each other through their lives, with little regard for anyone else half the time.

Levi leave them in his office while he goes to gather the other teachers. It is unnaturally neat, but that is not surprising. There is a picture of him, a red-headed girl, and a blonde boy that looks like it was taken years ago on his desk, an electric kettle, a massive tea collection, and a few chipped tea cups. It feels like they are intruding upon something, even though they were invited.

“So what did happen?” Eren asks, studying the tea cups.

"I went to the third place again. Annie was there, but she was surprised to see me,” Armin says.

“No clues about what you’re supposed to be looking for?” Eren asks.

“She pretty much said the doctor is who we’re looking for,” Armin replies.

Before they can discuss it any further, Levi enters, leading Professor Smith and Dr. Hange behind him. The small office is now cramped with the six of them. Without asking, Levi makes tea as Dr. Hange and Professor Smith settle in extra chairs.

“Levi tells me you fainted,” Professor Smith says.

“Yes, but I’m okay,” Armin replies.

“He also says that you have something you need to tell us.”

Armin takes a deep breath and launches into his explanation. It is nearly the same speech as the one he gave his friends. As he talks, Levi passes out cups of tea. The teachers listen to him with guarded eyes. By the time he is done, it is well past curfew and his tea has gone cold.

“Well, that makes a certain about of sense,” Dr. Hange says to Armin’s great surprise.

“How?” Armin asks.

“Your lack of sleep, general sense of sweaty nervousness, Eren’s slightly freakish healing abilities, the fact that I feel like someone’s missing in half my classes, and that it was really only a matter of time until something like this happened.”

“Something like what?”

“Bridging across universes. I mean, dreams are usually just pictures your brain is trying to clear out, but we are pretty unguarded while we sleep. Who’s to say weird things from other universes can’t just use them as a bridge?”

Armin would like to answer just about every single piece of scientific evidence argues against this, but is silent. One of the adults believes him. He isn’t going to ruin that.

“I believe you too,” Professor Smith says and Armin feels like he might actually be dreaming.

“If you two say he’s not insane, I’ll believe him too,” Levi says.

“So…now what?” Eren asks.

“We keep the students safe. Armin, I want to talk to you about what you plan to do. I’ll give you a pass for gym class tomorrow. Come to my office instead,” Professor Smith says.

“Yes, sir,” Armin says, giddy with both the relief of getting to skip gym class and not being shipped off to a team of psychiatrists.

"I’ll walk you three back to your rooms. It’s past curfew,” Levi says.

"Get some sleep and report back with any new developments!” Dr. Hange says, waving at the three of them good naturedly.

“Why do they believe me?” Armin asks Levi once they are out of ear shot of his office.

"They believe strange things,” Levi shrugs and leaves it at that.

“And you?”

“Those two are usually right about stuff when they both agree.”

Levi walks Mikasa to her room, where an energetic Sasha doesn’t even wait until the door is closed to start questioning her. Jean must have told the others. Levi tells Armin to get some sleep and then leaves them.

“Do you really not have a plan?” Eren asks once Levi is gone and the door is closed.

“Not yet. But I will,” Armin says.

“I know. But, um, is there something you’re not telling me?” Eren asks.

“No,” Armin says, but he can feel his voice waiver. He thinks it is amazing he’s been able to lie to Eren for this long.

"Don’t lie to me. I’m not as stupid or unobservant as everything thinks,” Eren says and he’s not mad, not yet, just frustrated and maybe a little sad.

Armin stops what he is doing and thinks and that is as good as admitting to Eren that he is lying.

“Armin?”

“I’m going to help Annie. Not to...not to help the doctor, but to get away from him.”

“You like her,” Eren says.

“Maybe. She kissed me, but that’s not the point. I don’t think she wants to be doing whatever it is she’s doing,” Armin says.

“Okay. I’ll help you,” Eren says.

“Why?”

“Because I trust you and you like her. Now get some rest. Try not to die,” Eren says.

“You too,” Armin replies.

* * *

 

**When the world readjusts, Annie has her palm on his shoulder. Her face is closed with worry. She wears her uniform from when they trained together. He looks down and finds himself dressed the same way.**

**“We can talk now,” she says.**

**“Good,” he replies. “I have a few questions.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And thanks for all the kudos and reviews and such! I hope the sudden switch to the third reality (Annie reality?) wasn't too confusing, but I kinda like the mid-sentence thing for this instance because that's what it feels like when you faint. Also, as a former nanny/super clumsy kid, one of the ways to tell if someone has a concussion is if their pupils are different sizes, which is what Levi was checking for.


	12. It Must Follow

**She lets go of him as if he were made of hot coals and steps a paces back. Her eyes are cold and calculating and Armin can’t read her. Not really. He finds the whole thing strange given that they kissed last time he saw her.**

**“You only get three questions. It’s part of the game,” Annie says.**

**“Where did you go?” Armin asks when his mind finally settles.**

**“I was called away. You figured out what I was.” Annie replies.**

**“Eren-”**

**“Eren doesn’t know.”**

**“So as long as he doesn’t know, he’ll stay with me and Mikasa? That doesn’t count as a question,” Armin adds quickly. “I’m just thinking aloud.”**

**“I know,” Annie says hiding a small smile from him.**

**Armin lets her words sit for a moment, taking it all in. If he concentrates, he can hear Eren snoring and feel the mattress beneath him. He can also smell the warm, animal smell of the stables and hear the horses snorting. He wonders where he’ll wake.**

**“Who is doing this?” he asks.**

**“I can’t tell you. You know that,” Annie replies.**

**“That didn’t count as a question,” Armin tries.**

**“No. You knew the answer and that’s a loophole. I should have figured you’d be able to find one. Ask another question.”**

**“Not yet,” Armin says.**

**“Why?” Annie asks.**

**“I don’t know where I’m going to wake up. I just…I need to think where I know I won’t either be killed or have to answer anyone else’s questions.”**

**“This is a strange safe haven.”**

**“It is.”**

**“How is everyone?” Annie asks after a pause.**

**“Fine or miserable, depending on where we are. Sasha passed her science quiz.”**

**“Oh. I miss them,” Annie says quietly.**

**The question of why is on the tip of Armin’s tongue, but he swallows it. Instead, he sits, cross-legged, letting the silence of the place comfort him. There is the sound of rustling and Annie sits next to him.**

**“How do I win?” he asks.**

**“Every time if different. It won’t seem like that big a thing. He’ll challenge you to an actual game or give you a riddle. If he offers you a deal, you take it. That’s it,” she says.**

**“That’s too easy,” Armin says.**

**Annie shrugs. He wonders if he should be trusting her, and thinks he already knows the answer. He wishes he could fast forward to when this is all over. He’s tired of playing a game he doesn’t know the rules to. He wonders if he should just ask his last question and get it over with. Leave her and go back to wherever he is flung this time. But it is safe in the dark space. And he isn’t ready to leave her yet.**

**“Are you going to tell the teachers?” Annie asks.**

**“I already did. They believed me. I don’t know why, but…I just hope it was the right decision,” Armin replies.**

**“It’s what I would have done.”**

**“I’m not you. And you can’t help.”**

**“I’m not. I’m telling you what I would do. I would tell them in both realities. It could get bloody. You need help if you want to make it through this,” Annie says.**

**Armin doesn’t answer. He knows it will get bloody and it just makes him want to run further and further away. He’s tired of his friends getting hurt because he’s turned into the pawn of some all-powerful thing’s game.**

**“Ask your final question. I don’t know if I can stay much longer,” Annie says. And she might have a point. Her form wavers and she grows and shrinks. Sometimes, she is just Annie, sometimes she is not.**

**“How can I get you out of here if I win?”**

**“Stupid question,” Annie says, not meeting his eyes.**

**He thinks that she is right, but it is an important one. If he is going to keep anyone else from getting hurt, that includes her. And it isn’t fair to leave her behind, not that the world ever was fair.**

**“Answer it,” he says.**

**“Find me. I’m there. I swear I am and I’m close by.” she says quietly.**

**“And then?”**

**“Remind me,” she says.**

**As the world begins to lighten again, he leans over and kisses her forehead. Her eyes go wide and it is the last thing he sees of her. But it is enough.**

* * *

 

He wakes to the sound of his alarm and Eren telling him that they’re about to be late. It is a relief to be safe. The thought that he meeting with Professor Smith later that day terrifies him until he pushes it to the back of his mind to focus on finding his school bag.

“Any dreams last night?” Eren asks in a too calm voice.

“I saw Annie. That was it,” Armin replies as they rush towards the courtyard where Mikasa is no doubt waiting for them.

“And?”

“We talked. Apparently, I have to beat him in an actual game and then he’ll offer me a deal. Annie thinks that it will get violent,” Armin says.

“Even if you win?”

“I don’t know.”

“This whole thing is stupid.”

“I know,” Armin says with a smile.

“She say anything else?”

“Just how to save her.”

“So?”

“I have to find her. She said she’s nearby.”

“Good. There’s Mikasa!” Eren says, waving energetically across the courtyard.

Mikasa smiles and returns the wave. She has poptarts wrapped in napkins in her other hand, just like she always does when they’re running late.

“You won’t tell Mikasa about saving Annie?” he asks as they hurry towards her.

“Not if you don’t want me too. But why?” Eren replies.

“She doesn’t like her much,” Armin says and leave it at that.

“Why?”

Armin shrugs. He is not about to go into it when they are due in the lab in five minutes and Mikasa is waiting for them.

At lunch, he is unsurprised to end up surrounded by everyone at a semi-private corner table. He tells them about the doctor and his latest meeting with Annie. He puts Jean in charge of keeping everyone in the loop. He warns them they will most likely be fighting giants. He doesn’t mention the plan he has been finalizing in all of his classes he keeps to himself. He wants to run it by Professor Smith first and get his input.

Even if the meeting makes him nervous, it is a relief to see everyone else hurrying to PE and Coach Shandis, who may be one of his least favorite people. Armin turns his back on the gym and walks to Professor Smith’s office. He knocks and enters.

The room reminds him a bit of his father’s study. Books line shelves which line the walls and bits and pieces of old civilizations are displayed. There are no pictures, save one of a man who looks very much like Professor Smith and a small, blonde boy smiling by a lake.

“Hello, Armin. Take a seat,” Professor Smith says. Armin sits across from him, barely managing to keep himself from fidgeting.

“Do you have any more information about your dreams or what is going on?” he asks.

“Yes. But can I ask you something first?” Armin replies.

“Of course.”

“Why do you believe me?”

“Dr. Hange has been sharing her own more…fringe research with me. It seems as credible as anything like that can be. My father was researching something similar before he died. You remind me a bit of him,” Professor Smith says in his calm, even voice. It doesn’t feel so much like a war council as it does going to see him for debate or to finish a discussion about class.

“Oh. Um, thank you. For listening.”

“You’re one of the most intelligent students in this school, if not the most intelligent besides which, you are highly logical. You wouldn’t make something like this up and you wouldn’t tell us unless you thought something was wrong. Now. Do you have any more information?”

“I, um, I talked to Annie, the girl none of you can remember-”

“Levi remembers her,” Professor Smith says and Armin drastically loses his train of thought.

“He does?” he asks.

“Yes. He suspects that she was the one setting Dr. Hange’s pets loose, but neither of us remember such an event.”

“Oh. Well. That makes a lot of sense actually. And-and she did. Earlier. When things were…normal. I guess.”

“I thought as much. Anyway, what did she tell you?”

“The one behind everything is the doctor who treated Marco and Eren and how to win, well sort of. She didn’t give me a clear answer exactly. And…and how to help her.”

“Help her?”

“I don’t think she wants to be doing any of this and I think that he, the doctor, is forcing her.”

“I see. Is there anything else you need to tell me?”

“Yes. Annie says that are more people like her, but they probably don’t know it.”

“Any ideas as to who?”

“No,” Armin lies. Mikasa is the only other one who can know about Eren.

“Have you told anyone else about this?”

“Yes. Jean, Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Bertoldt, Krista, and Ymir.”

“Are you sure that was wise?”

“No. It’s a gamble. They could be monsters. You could be one too. And if you are, you know you can’t trick me anymore. Anything they do will have to be more in the open now. And that will help us in the end,” Armin says.

“Do you have a plan?”

“I need to get to the hospital to confront the doctor before anything else happens. Whatever he wants me to do, however we’re going to fight, I’d rather do it alone. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”

“No. You’re fifteen.”

“In the other world-”

“We aren’t there. We’re here.”

“Then what should I do?”

“Stay here. He will come looking for you, if he is what you say he is. And we’ll be ready. We can send the rest of the students home. No one else has to get hurt.”

“Um, Mikasa and Eren won’t go. And…and I don't think anyone else I've told will want to leave either.”

Professor Smith sighs and it is tired and resigned and then he nods. “Levi suspected as much. Convince me that they should stay.”

“I ca-I can’t.”

“Try.”

“I want them to leave. I want them to be safe, but…I actually. I need to…I…” Armin says, thinking aloud. “If Annie’s wrong, and the others do know, they could help the doctor if we let them go. And that would…I’d loose. Everyone would die.”

“Fine. All of the other students and teachers will go. We’ll stop him, Armin. Don’t worry.”

Professor Smith gives him what is probably supposed to be a reassuring smile, but it fails. Armin is left feeling scared and tired and like he’s hurtling towards the edge of a cliff. He can’t help but think that the other Erwin Smith, the one who actually leads people into battle, would be more useful in this situation.

Armin tells everyone about the meeting. He doesn’t mention the others like Annie (and Eren). He just says that they can all stay if they want to. He is not surprised when everyone agrees to stay with him, even if Ymir looks like all she wants to do is grab Krista and run and run and run. He spends the night reading over Dr. Hange’s research, but finds nothing useful. There are stories of villages destroyed by freak storms or plagues or random massacres. There are stories of people driven mad and stories of people who go catatonic and spend their lives staring out windows in hospitals. It makes him feel sick. He wonders if the ones who go mad are the ones who won. If that is the case, he doubts he will get to see the ocean even if he survives. When his head hits the desk and his eyes plunge shut as the sun peeks over the horizon, he finds that he is relieved. At least in the other world, he is doing something.

* * *

 

_They don’t have long to wait before the next expedition. It was easier the second time for some reason. A sense of calm pervades Armin’s mind as they ride through the wilderness. Jean jokes with him and Krista points out various birds and plants she finds interesting or beautiful. If he wasn’t planning on running away to what is almost certainly his doom, it would be relaxing._

_They reach the old fort as the sun is just starting to set. There had been an abnormally small amount of titan sightings that day and, quite frankly, it makes Armin nervous. The whole thing does. Night falls, watches are assigned, and soon everyone drifts off to their own corner to settle in for the night or chat with friends._

_“We wait until watch changes, we take our horses, we go to Eren’s basement,” Armin explains for the millionth time. It has become his catechism._

_“The basement will have something to help us defeat him,” Eren replies for the millionth time._

_The whole thing feels stupid and half-formed and like a shot in the dark, but Armin doesn’t think they have any other options._

_No one notices Armin, Eren, and Mikasa leaving the fort. It is like the world is lying in wait for them. They do not speak until the sky starts to grow light and the horses they had stolen pant with exhaustion. They tether the horses to a large tree and climb it, tying themselves in to get some rest._

_“We’ll be home by tomorrow afternoon,” Eren says sleepily._

_“Did this whole thing seem too easy to you?” Armin asks._

_“Yes. Get some rest. We’ll most likely run into trouble tomorrow,” Mikasa says.“I’ll take first watch.”_

_Next to him, Eren’s breaths even out, but Armin can’t sleep. He watches the sun rise until Mikasa shakes him and asks if he could take watch. The world is devoid of any sort of life. It makes him feel itchy and uncomfortable, like there is something he is missing. Whatever it is will come to him eventually. For now, they have to focus on getting to Eren’s basement. They can focus on what comes next later._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that was a slightly later than usual update! I had tests and papers in all my classes, which was less than fun. Next week should be more on time as I've actually written through to the end of the story and all I need to do now is edit. There should be 4 more chapters, depending on if I want to keep the next chapter as long as it currently is. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos/reviews and to everyone who's been reading this thing. I promise some actually very exciting stuff is coming. Next chapter is most likely super long and definitely all in the dream world!


	13. Substance of the Ambitious

_The next day is equally uneventful. In a way, it makes things worse than if they had run into dozens of titans. Their conversation stops and they ride in silence, the tension palpable as they scan the landscape for troops coming to bring them home or titans or anything else to impede their way. But there is nothing. Just birdsong and the sound of the wind in the trees. It strikes Armin that if they were doing anything else, it would be a surprisingly pleasant day._

_They reach Shinganshina before sunset. It is like he thought it would be. Trees are uprooted and buildings are torn down and there are a few bundles of cloth and bone in the street to signify the fallen. The city still feels like home in a way. Around almost every corner, he has to stop himself from pointing out the store that Eren accidentally stole from when he was seven, causing him to sob with fear of being sent to jail or the park the three of them used to spend warm spring afternoons in or the house a particularly horrible bully lived in. Armin wonders if the boy made it out. He hadn’t seen him on the boats or in any of the refugee camps. It was then that he realizes tears have been streaming down his cheeks since they entered the town._

_"Oh,” he says softly, unable to stop himself at the end of the street crowded with townhouses built cheek to jowl. “It’s my house.”_

_Eren and Mikasa stop and look back at him. There are tears on their cheeks. Without another word, the two of them turn their horses and ride down the street. Armin watches as they stop in front of the house with the red door, his house, and dismount._

_"Are you coming?” Eren asks._

_"We don’t have time,” Armin replies._

_"We won’t be long. Maybe your book’s still there,” Mikasa says._

_He feels like he is watching from somewhere far away as he turns down the street, dismounts, and climbs the familiar steps to his door. The wind chime his mother had hung just a few weeks before she died still hangs from the eve above the door. The pot his grandfather kept flowers in has been overturned though. The brightly painted pottery shards litter the stoop. Without thinking, he pushes the door open. They hadn’t bothered to lock it._

_The house is dusty and somehow mostly intact. There are a few broken windows and the pictures and books and the little things his parents and grandfather had accumulated have been knocked from the shelves. It feels like a time capsule and it is odd to suddenly be able to reach the higher shelves._

_“I’m going upstairs,” he says._

_Eren and Mikasa follow him as he climbs the now rickety stairs and walks down the hall to his bedroom. The walls are still painted blue and the stars his father had decorated the ceiling with when he was born still shine. Far away, in the world of the school, is his childhood bedroom decorated with different constellations. He kneels and reaches under his unmade, feeling for the leather bound book he had been left by his parents. When he feels it, a great relief washes over him and he pulls it out. It is covered in a thin layer of dust but otherwise just like he remembered, except perhaps not quite as heavy. He sits, resting his back against the bed, and opens it. Mikasa and Eren are comforting presences next to him as he flips through the familiar pages and familiar paintings of the impossible world he now knows is out there, if his dreams are any indication._

_"We’ll all go there soon. Just wait,” Eren says softly, pointing to a painting of the sea spreading out the horizon._

_"When it’s all over,” Armin agrees._

_Mikasa doesn’t say anything, but when Armin glances at her, she is smiling. The book is a talisman from a long ago time. It reminds him of when he was so naïve and so full of hope. He shuts it and hugs it to his chest._

_"We should go,” Armin says._

* * *

 

_They stand in front of the wreckage of Eren’s house only a few moments later, their horses tied up behind them. The setting sun bathes everything in gold. Vines have begun to grow around the wreckage, claiming it as their own. It is eerily beautiful. Eren doesn’t say anything, Armin doesn’t think he can._

_"How are we going to get to the basement?” Armin asks._

_“There’s a cellar door around back. Mom-we used to keep muddy shoes by it,” Eren replies._

_“Come on, Eren,” Mikasa says gently, resting her hand on his back and steering him away._

_It is hard getting through the wreckage of Eren’s street. Armin bites back a cry when he nearly steps on an apron stained in what looked like blood. It isn’t Mrs. Jaeger’s. It belonged the old woman who lived next door. She always wore the same flowered apron. She seemed to spend half her time scolding Eren, Armin, and Mikasa for loitering or being loud or reckless. He hasn’t seen her since the titans came either._

_The cellar doors are shattered by a roof beam. There is barely room for the three of them to squeeze around it and descend into the damp, dark basement. Armin has only been in Eren’s basement once, when Mrs. Jaeger had sent them down to tell his father it was time for dinner. Armin had been six and he hadn’t liked it. He remembered thinking it smelled odd and was too dark. It had been divided into two rooms. The first was mostly empty, except for a small shelf containing some medical books and odds and ends that didn’t fit any place else in the house. Armin never knew what was in the other room. The door had been locked and Eren had just yelled through it as Armin clutched his arm and asked him if he believed in ghosts._

_The key around Eren’s neck opens the door easily and Armin feels like it is something momentous. The door swings open silently and the three of them enter silently._

_In the middle of the floor, in a tomb of crystal, is Annie. Armin wants to laugh. It makes the world of the school seem so much more like the real one._

_"This should be my dad’s office,” Eren says in a faraway voice._

_“The doctor knows we’re coming. Annie’s a clue. He must have gotten rid of whatever was here,” Armin explains, putting a hand on the crystal. It is cool and smooth. Annie looks like she is sleeping._

_“It was supposed to help us defeat the titans!” Eren yells, kicking the crystal in frustration._

_“Calm down, Eren,” Mikasa says._

_“No! My dad said there was a secret down here and he gave me the key and it was important! I’m going to kill this…whatever he is. He’s screwing with Armin and he took away…my dad’s office was here! His papers and his desk and his…whatever else.”_

_“We’ll find it. We just have to find the doctor first. Help me figure out a way to get Annie out of here,” Armin says._

_“What can she do?” Mikasa asks._

_“She knows where he is. I’d rather…its better if I confront him here. Away from everyone else. The school’s nice. It’s small. It’s safe and everyone’s there. If the titan came there, we’d all die. I don’t want anyone else to die.”_

_“I see. Stand back,” Mikasa says, pushing her way in front of Armin._

_With a yell, she strikes the crystal with her sword. Nothing happens. She hits it again and again until her sword brakes and there is nothing to show for it. Mikasa stands back, panting, and gives them a questioning look._

_“There has to be a way to get her out. We just need to think,” Armin says._

_“You mean you need to think. I don’t know…I thought hitting it was a good idea,” Eren shrugs._

_"We can keep trying that, but there has to be another way. The doctor likes games, so this is a riddle. Just…just let me think for a little bit, okay?”_

_Eren and Mikasa nod and sit next to him as he puts his head in his hands, trying to puzzle out what the hell was going on. They’d studied crystals in chemistry in the other world, but all he can remember was how perfect the structure should be. And then it hits him. He stands and began scanning the crystal closely._

_“What are you doing?” Eren asks._

_“Looking for imperfections. If there is one, it means that the structure is weaker there and we’ll have a better chance of breaking it,” Armin explains._

_“Can we help?” Mikasa asks._

_“Yes. Let me know if any part of the crystal looks flawed. Less clear or even slightly broken,” Armin said, running his hands over the surface. It was so dark in the basement, he doubted he could find anything._

_"It all looks perfect here,” Eren sighs after a few minutes of searching._

_“Here too,” Mikasa adds._

_“Why are you such a perfectionist?” Armin whispers to Annie, as if she can hear him._

_It might be his imagination, but he swears that her lip twitches. Armin freezes and leans in close._

_“Annie?” he whispers._

_Mikasa lets out a gasp of surprise._

_“What?” he asks, heart pounding._

_“Her finger twitched,” Mikasa says._

_“I think…if I can get through to her, she’ll break out,” Armin says, a small grin lighting his face._

_“And then what?” Mikasa asks._

_“She’ll help us. I know she will,” Armin says, stubbornly. “Just…can you give us some privacy?”_

_“Why?” Eren asks._

_“Of course. Come on, Eren. Let’s make sure the horses are okay,” Mikasa says, dragging him out._

_Armin waits until they are gone and then he begins to talk. He tells her about debate them and training and the dreams. He tells her about the void and the kiss and how much he wishes she was there, but it isn’t enough. She twitches, her mouth works its way into a smile or frown and her eyes flutter, but the crystal stayed as intact as ever._

_“Why are you so hell bent on helping her?” a soft, threatening voice asks._

_Armin turns and draws his sword so quickly it is a small miracle he doesn’t hurt himself. The doctor is leaning against a wall with a questioning look in his eyes._

_“What do you want?” Armin asks._

_“An answer to my question.”_

_"She’s my friend. And she can help me. Now either challenge me to whatever it is I have to do to make you go away now or leave us alone.”_

_The doctor laughs and it sounds like something trying to die. A shiver goes down Armin’s spine and he turns away, focusing on Annie’s still face._

_“She’s more than your friend, isn’t she?”_

_Armin decides not to dignify that with a response. He is not going to discuss whatever feelings he has for Annie with the thing that has been making his life a living hell for about a month. He has barely even talked to Eren about it._

_“She’s also a liar.”_

_Armin runs his hand over the crystal to quadruple check for flaws, wondering if the doctor will just go away if he ignores him enough._

_"I know she’s been helping you but, I wonder, do you know that she’s made a deal with me as well?”_

_Ice water runs through his veins as he turns to face the doctor._

_"Now I see I have your attention. The girl is a traitor to everyone but herself.”_

_"What deal?” Armin asks, his heart pounding. He doesn’t expect an answer. He isn’t that foolish._

_“You get to live, even if you lose. I make you like Annie and your little friend out there. She gets to keep you. I get another servant. Everyone wins, even you, oddly enough.”_

_“And everyone else?”_

_"They die."_

_"What if I win?"_

_"You won't. Annie doesn't think you'll win either. It's why she made the deal, after all.”_

_Armin wishes he could shut his ears, but he has a feeling it would make him look even younger than he is and he certainly doesn’t need that. He thinks, trying to find a way to prove the doctor wrong, but there’s nothing. He’s right and he thinks he may have known it since the beginning. It hurts, her lack of faith, knowing that she would just trade everyone else for him, as if he were that important. She is a liar and a traitor and he wishes he could tell her to her face._

_“Do you still want her?”_

_He doesn’t ask the doctor what exactly he means by that. He doesn’t think it would change his answer. Armin nods and it feels a little bit like betrayal._

_“I thought you were smarter than that,” the doctor says._

_With a sound like a thunder crack, the crystal splits, and Annie tumbles out. Armin moves to catch her and cuts himself on the shards of crystal in the process._

_Annie looks like she is struggling her way awake in his arms. He feels her stiffen as she comes to and turns to look for the doctor, but he is gone. When Annie sees him, she smiles. Armin returns it. He will act normal until he can’t. He needs her and maybe if he just thinks of her in terms of a tool, he won’t feel like crying anymore._

_“Do you remember me?” he asks as he holds her against him._

_"Yes.” Annie says softly to his shoulder._

_"Good.” he says._

_"Where are we?” she asks._

_“Eren’s basement.”_

_"What happened?”_

_“You were trapped, but I figured it out. I just had to talk to you and you remembered and I guess that broke the spell. Eren and Mikasa are outside. We need to get to the doctor who probably lives outside the walls and you need to help me find him. We’re-” Armin says rapidly._

_"You’re bleeding,” Annie says, reaching up to touch his cheek._

_“Oh. I…Its fine. I’m fine,” Armin says quietly._

_"It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”_

_"Don’t be. You didn’t know.”_

_"I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t seem to help myself, can I?” Annie says bitterly._

_“Annie. Stop it,” Armin says. He can’t stand to see her so full of remorse, not when he knows she would sacrifice the world for him. “Can you help me?”_

_“Of course. You figured out how to get me out of there. He won’t like it, but that hardly matters,” Annie replies, shifting out of his arms._

_“We need to find him,” Armin says, helping her to her feet and trying to avoid the shards of crystal littering the floor._

_“I’ll lead you to him if you keep your promise.”_

_“I will,” Armin says and he doesn’t know if he’s lying._

_When they see Eren and Mikasa outside, Eren’s face lights up and Mikasa’s clouds over as they hurry to them. Annie looks pristine and he looks as if he has been fighting a garbage disposal._

_"I remember you!” Eren exclaims._

_“What did you do to Armin?” Mikasa asks at the same time._

_“Nothing. It was the crystal. It cut me when it finally broke,” Armin says quickly, stepping between the two of them._

_Mikasa gives him a skeptical look, but she no longer looks as if she might kill Annie, so Armin supposes that is enough._

_“We should stay in town for the night,” Mikasa says, glancing at Armin’s bloody hands and tired eyes._

_"I agree. I can lead you to him tomorrow. It’s just a day’s ride from the wall,” Annie says._

_"We can stay in Armin’s house. It’s…it’s still there,” Eren says._

_The four of them walk through the silent streets, back towards Armin’s dusty relic of a home. For the first time in what feels like a lifetime, he sleeps in his bed. When he wakes from his dreamless sleep, the sky is starting to turn light and he can hear someone downstairs in the kitchen. Despite the dust, the house smells the same and he suddenly wants nothing more than to snuggle deeper into his bed and stay there forever. Let the doctor play his game. He just wants to rest._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the new chapter and thanks for reading! I ended up splitting the dream world chapter in half, so look forward to more adventures in dreamland next week!
> 
> Thanks as always for kudos and reviews. You guys are awesome!


	14. Bloody Deeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's suicide mention in this chapter, so head's up for anyone who needs it.

_When Armin finally forces himself to get out of bed, he finds Annie rummaging through the cabinets. The illusion of normalcy he’d been letting himself indulge in shatters. She looks out of place. He smiles at her in greeting. If he is careful, he can keep her from guessing that he knows about her betrayal._

_"There’s no food,” he says._

_“I didn’t think there would be. I was just curious,” Annie says, a faint blush spreading across her cheeks._

_"That’s where we kept the plates, pots, and pans,” Armin explains, lifting down his own mug. It is only slightly chipped from the disaster that befell the town so long ago._

_“Did you tell Eren?” Annie asks._

_“No,” Armin replies._

_“I didn’t think you would.”_

_"I’m going to wake Eren and Mikasa. We should get going. I’m tired of waiting around.”_

_“Armin?”_

_“Yes?” he responds._

_“If it looks like we’ll lose unless Eren knows, will you tell him?” Annie asks._

_Armin pauses. It seems pointless. If he loses, Eren will find out anyway. Armin would rather let him live in his ignorance. He doesn’t want to give his best friend another reason to doubt his humanity._

_“No,” Armin says._

_"Then I will.”_

_“Don’t. He’ll find out if we lose. It won’t help anything.”_

_“It might and I don’t want to lose.”_

_“I don’t either, but he doesn't need to get any more involved than he already is.”_

_“Just trust me, Armin. I want to help you.”_

_Armin doesn’t say anything. He can see it for what it is. Just another way for Annie to make sure she’s safe. He doubts she trusts anyone but herself and it bothers him in a way he wishes it didn’t._

* * *

_When Eren and Mikasa are awake and Armin has taken a moment to say goodbye to the house he was born in and packed his mug and book carefully in his pack, they turn their backs on Shingashina. Annie rides behind him, giving directions in her low, even voice, as the sun rises._

_The first time his horse steps outside the walls, Armin feels like he’s flying. Eren turns to give him a smile so wide it nearly splits his face. Armin returns it and stares at the land around them, unhemmed by walls. The ocean must be nearby, or at least closer. He thinks if he closes his eyes, he can almost hear it. He also is fairly certain that it is just his imagination. Outside the walls is beautiful and wild and he never wants to go back again. If he wins, he won’t. He’ll stay in the other world, where he can go where he likes and everything is so much safer._

_“Annie, where are the titans?” he asks after they have ridden for hours and not seen anything apart from a few deer and several small, twittering birds._

_“I don’t know. He’s probably planning something,” Annie says darkly and Armin’s heart sinks._

_"There are only four of us.”_

_“You should have brought the others.”_

_“I didn’t want them to get hurt. And…and this is quicker. In the school, in the other world, Prof-Commander Smith believes me. Here, I’m not so sure.”_

_"If we get attacked by titans, you need to stay back.”_

_“I thought you said he wouldn’t fight me.”_

_"That doesn’t mean that he won’t fight the rest of us.”_

_“How long till we’re there?” Armin asks._

_“Hours. We won’t make it before dark,” Annie replies._

_They ride until the sun is setting and the stars are coming out, one by one. They ride until the moon is high in the sky and Eren is yawning and Armin is beginning to wonder if they’ll make it. The forest begins to thin out and, as if they had sprouted like mushrooms from the ground, they find themselves in a circle of small cabins. Light emanates from the windows of one that sits under a large oak tree._

_“We’re here,” Annie says simply, but they already knew that._

_Mikasa and Eren dismount and draw their swords. The air is filled with the sort of deafening silence that precedes something awful. Time stretches and slows and Armin feels like he should be doing something besides looking around the clearing for any kind of clue of what to do next. Annie looks almost relaxed, but of course she does. She knows more than all of them. Its infuriating._

_When the door to one of the cabins opens, Armin jumps. The doctor steps out and surveys the four of them with a stony expression. Armin’s heart hammers in his throat. He can see Mikasa’s eyes narrowing and Eren’s face going hard in the moonlight. Annie, however, remains calm. She meets his eyes and he nods with a smirk._

_“Come in, then,” he says, turning into the cabin._

_Armin, Eren, and Mikasa exchange bewildered looks, but follow him. It seems they have no choice, after all. Annie hangs back by the horses._

_"He only meant for Armin to follow him,” she calls after them._

_"No! We’re all going,” Eren says fiercely, grabbing Armin’s shoulder as if that somehow makes his argument valid._

_“No. Just him,” Annie insists calmly._

_“It’s fine,” Armin says._

_“Don’t,” Mikasa says softly._

_Before Armin can say anything, the doctor appears in the doorway again._

_“I don’t like being kept waiting, Armin. Your little friends can wait outside. Let the wolves eat them, for all I care,” he says._

_Armin gently frees himself from Eren’s grip and gives them one last look before he goes through the door._

_“I’ll see you soon,” he says and hopes that it is not a lie._

_Inside the cabin is warm and comfortable. It looks more like a nice office than someone’s house. The doctor sits at a table where a chess game is set up. Armin suddenly feels very, very out of place._

_“Sit. We’re going to play a game. I know you’re good and I haven’t played an even remotely challenging opponent in…well, I’m not sure. It’s been quite a while, though,” the doctor says. His voice is jovial but there is a threat hidden in it. Armin can sense it._

_“Okay,” Armin says, taking his seat._

_"You have the first move,” the doctor says._

_Armin nods and moves his pawn. The doctor makes his first move and soon the only sound in the cabin is the crackle of the fire and the soft thunk of the chess pieces. The doctor is good. Armin thinks he is the better player, so he holds back. Annie said he was smart and wanted to play with him, so this must be it. If he can lull him into a false sense of security, he will get sloppy and Armin can win._

_“I’m surprised you aren’t asking questions,” the doctor says as he takes Armin’s rook._

_“I’m concentrating,” Armin says._

_"On the game? Is that how you think you’ll win?” the doctor says and there is a hint of laughter in his voice._

_"Isn’t it?” Armin asks, meeting the doctor’s eyes for the first time. They are blue behind the glasses and they look inhuman in a way he can’t quite describe._

_“No. This is for fun.”_

_Armin sets his knight down where it was and pushes his chair back from the game._

_“Then I’m not playing. I just want this to be over,” Armin says._

_“You don’t make the rules.”_

_“Too bad.”_

_"Then fine. Here,” the doctor says, tossing Armin a knife._

_It is a slight miracle that Armin catches it. He stares at it. It gleams silver and orange in the fire light and it is covered in writing he can’t read. It looks older than anything he has ever seen before._

_"I don’t…Annie said I wouldn’t have to fight you,” he says._

_"I told her not to. Otherwise, our deal would be off. I can't let you get too much help, after all. I'm surprised she didn't tell you, though. After all, Annie is a traitor to everyone but herself.”_

_Armin’s heart feels like its breaking and the doctor lets out a harsh, breathy laugh. This was a bad idea. He should have made the doctor meet him outside, where he has friends to help him or insisted on bringing everyone in. He'd thought it would just be a game.  
_

_“The girl is clever and quite a survivor. I admire her. Not like your friend Eren. He was ready to die for you back in Trost, wasn’t he? It’s one of the reasons I’m happy letting him forget. My people can’t get to close to the enemy.”_

_Armin stands and walks towards the door, the doctor’s words following him. He is tired of being played with and his panic is threatening to overwhelm him. His vision swims and his breath comes in gasps he does his best to hide. He was an idiot for thinking he could do this by himself and for trusting Annie. The knife is heavy in his hands, but it seems like such a little thing against the doctor._

_“She certainly is fond of you, but you are terribly clever and very interesting, so I don’t blame her. I think she likes your deal better though. The girl does so want to be a real human,” the doctor continues, following him._

_When Armin reaches the door, it vanishes. He bites back a scream of fear and frustration and anger and hopelessness. The doctor just laughs again. Tears sting his eyes and he turns to face the doctor and holds the knife in front of him. He can see it shaking in his grasp. The doctor doesn’t flinch and the smile doesn’t leave his face as Armin thrusts it towards his chest. He reaches out and lightly grabs Armin’s wrist and Armin freezes like a wild animal caught in a trap._

_“Kill me here if you want. Everything will stay as it is. No titans here, your friends behind that wall of theirs can go out and conquer the globe. Of course, the dead are still dead, but Annie will be there, remember? You were going to save her,” the doctor says and his voice is thick with mockery._

_"A-and the school?” Armin asks, surprised he can even talk._

_“Oh, yes. Things stay the same there too, but, well, it’s not quite all studying for exams and school dances and getting ready for the big game anymore. Don’t you wonder where the titans went?” the doctor asks and Armin feels the panic humming through him._

_“How do I get back?” he asks._

_“You want to save the school? Everyone tries that you know. Fix both worlds so their little consciences can be spared. No one wins that way.”_

_“But you’re still alive. So I don’t think anyone wins this way either.”_

_The doctor shrugs._

_“How do I get back?” Armin asks again._

_“Stab yourself. You’ll wake up back in the school, where you were left. And I will be waiting for you, assuming you can get past the titans. Then we will continue our game.”_

_The doctor lets go of his arm. Armin doesn’t move. It is like he is back on the rooftop. His muscles tense, ready to stab himself or the monster before him, but he doesn’t. He just stares at the knife like it will tell him what to do._

_"Make up your mind, boy,” the doctor sneers._

_Armin takes a step back and raises the knife. He is certain that what he is about to do is quite possibly the stupidest thing he's ever done. He watches the knife flash orange and silver in the warm firelight._

* * *

 

He wakes up screaming. The air smells like smoke and he can feel the ground shaking with giant footsteps. Eren and Mikasa and next to him, faces flooded with relief. The silver knife is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only three chapters left! Well, two proper chapters and an epilogue. But whatever. Thanks for reading and commenting and kudosing.


	15. Sticking-Place

“I was asleep a long time,” Armin says. He is thinking aloud as he gets to his feet and pushes past his friends, who follow him, trying to force him to slow down. “I was asleep for a long time and the titans came. He sent them here. We found him, but he’s a liar. And so is Annie. I need to find…I should find both of them. I promised…the hospital. I have to go-”

“Armin!” Mikasa yells, forcing him finally to face her.

They are in a small, dark, cavernous room lit by a weak, eerie blue light emitted by some kind of emergency lights. Electrical cables run the length of ceiling and along the walls. The floor is dirty concrete and the walls curve. It hits him that they are in the tunnels that house the electrical cables underneath the school. Eren had always wanted to sneak into them and go exploring. Ahead, as the room that he now suspects to be a tunnel curves, the light is slightly warmer and he can hear the others voices. He stops and he looks at the only people he wants with him when the world ends.

“I know what I have to do,” he replies.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Eren asks.

“I met the doctor and we went home and I found Annie and I’ll be fine. What happened here?” Armin asks.

“You slept for three days and the titans came. Professor Smith got the students out, but, well, we stayed. So did Jean, Krista, Ymir, Bertoldt, Reiner, Sasha, and Connie. Levi and Dr. Hange are here too. Dr. Hange actually thought of hiding in the tunnels. We’ve been here for about ten hours,” Eren says quickly.

“Okay. I need to…I need to go to the hospital. The doctor will be there, I think. Or maybe Annie.”

“I don’t think we can leave,” Mikasa says.

“What do you mean?” Armin asks.

“After the titans came, the teachers called for help. There was no response. I don't know if there is an outside world anymore,” Mikasa says.

“That was over a day ago,” Eren adds. He is trying not to look scared.

"Oh," Armin replies. He tries not to think about the fact that everyone else might be dead.

“We should go back to the others,” Mikasa says.

Armin nods numbly and follows her to where the others wait. They look exhausted gathered around half a dozen flashlights that brighten the chamber just enough for it to look slightly homey. When the three of them appear, he is met with relief. Professor Smith looks more like his military counterpart than Armin has ever seen him. Armin feels like they are in some middle place where the chaos and despair of the dream world mixes with the peace and innocence of the school.

“You’re awake,” Professor Smith says.

“Yes. And I know how to beat…well, not the titans. We might…I need to get to the hospital,” Armin says quickly.

“Why?”

“The man who is causing all this is there and if I can stop him, I-I think the titans will go away.”

“Then how do we stay alive until you do…whatever it is you’re going to do?” Jean asks. There is a cut above his eyebrow. Armin thinks he will probably scar.

“I…I don’t know. In the other place, we have special weapons and training. Here…we need to strike a specific spot on the back of their neck, just deep enough. I don’t think we have anything for that,” Armin replies.

“How deep?” Sasha asks. She has a bow and arrow clutched in her hand and she looks terrified and determined.

“That won’t do it, Sasha,” Armin says quietly. “Your best hope is staying hidden until all this is over.”

The ceiling above them shakes so violently, bits of dirt and debris rain down on them. A gasp of fear goes up from the group, but the ceiling holds. Armin lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as part of him wonders why the tunnel isn’t flooded with light and why a giant hand isn’t reaching for them. Another bang shakes the room. Armin can’t help but imagine a titan trying to punch through the ceiling. The third one makes cracks appear in the plaster above their head. Sasha backs against the wall and notches and arrow while Ymir shoves Krista behind her, out of the way of debris, and glares at the ceiling.

“They’re attracted to humans,” Armin says, his voice barely more than a delicate whisper.

“Then we should move,” Levi says quietly.

They dash through the tunnels until they reach a fork. They follow Levi as he takes the path to the left and they reach a part of the tunnel unlit by light and with a ceiling so low, everyone taller than Eren has to crouch.

“I always wanted to explore down here,” Connie says with a wry hint of amusement in his voice.

“Then consider this your lucky day,” Jean replies sarcastically.

"I think-” Armin starts.

“We need to get Armin to the hospital. There is a tunnel exit near the cafeteria, which is across the street from the faculty parking lot. Assuming our cars are not destroyed, one of the faculty will drive Armin out. All the students are to stay here with the remaining teachers until the titans are gone. Is that clear?” Professor Smith says, addressing the last part to Eren and Mikasa.

“We’re just going to hide here?” Eren spits back.

“Yes. It is the best way to keep you all alive,” Professor Smith replies.

“Those…things are destroying our school and there is a monster that has been screwing with Armin and I am not just going to hide here and wait for it to be over. He could die!”

“And so could you. Another word and you’re off the soccer team for the rest of your time here,” Professor Smith says curtly.

“I don’t care!” Eren yells and his voice reverberates off the walls.

"I…I agree. I think we should all go,” Bertoldt says quietly.

“See!” Eren says, as if that proves something.

“No. I will take Armin, the rest of you will stay here,” Levi says.

“But- “

“Be quiet, you…just be quiet,” Levi says, stopping himself from insulting Eren.

“Take my car. It’s faster,” Professor Smith says, handing a handful of keys to Levi.

Levi nods in thanks and Armin’s throat has gone dry.

“Armin?” Eren asks.

Armin doesn’t answer. He nearly died last time. The thought of leaving them behind now makes him feel sick.

“I’m going with him,” Eren says firmly and grabs Armin’s arm. He has a feeling that Eren will have to be pried off now.

“No. Stay here. I’ll protect him,” Levi says.

Armin feels numb as Levi pries Eren’s hand off of him. He had done what he needed to without them last time and he won’t be the cause of their deaths. Staying underground is safer and maybe this way, Eren will never find out the truth and they will never have to see him die if he fails. If he fails, they won’t have that much time left to miss him before they’re killed.

“Okay,” Armin says quietly. It feels like making the wrong choice all over again.

It would have been better to have shot Eren and Mikasa for the looks they are giving him. Mikasa pulls him into a tight hug.

“Come back,” she says in his ear.

Eren just stares at him like he’s already dead. Armin can’t look at either of them, so he follows Levi down the dark tunnels.

“While you’re gone, we’ll come up with a way to take them out. Don’t worry. There’s all kinds of things down here. I bet there’s something,” Dr. Hange calls after them good-naturedly.

“Let’s go,” Levi says.

Armin nods and turns back to his friends one last time. He wonders if he’ll ever see any of them again. He waves at them awkwardly and then follows Levi down the dark tunnel.

“Wait,” Ymir says, running to catch up with him.

“What?” Armin asks, genuinely confused. He is not exactly friends with Ymir. No one really is, except Krista.

“Take this and tell Annie she owes me,” Ymir says, pushing a silver knife into his hand.

Armin’s eyes go wide and he freezes. Before he can open his mouth to shout for Levi, Ymir has covered it. She is a good few inches taller than he is and quite a bit stronger. He doesn’t move and the knife shakes in his hand. He wonders if he could kill her.

“I’m not a threat. I just want to save Krista. I can deal with the others. One can’t remember and one can’t act on his own. And Eren is an idiot who would burn the world rather than hurt you or Mikasa. Keep it hidden on you and stab the bastard first chance you get,” Ymir whispers to him and lets him go. She doesn't look at him as she hurrying back to Krista and the group.

Armin watches her go, the knife cool in his hand.

“Hey! Keep up!” Levi calls from ahead.

“S-sorry!” Armin replies as he slides the knife up his sleeve and hurries to catch up with his teacher.

They are silent as they walk through the tunnels. The sounds of the titans are quieter here, which just means that they are trying to get at Eren, Mikasa, and the others. It makes Armin’s head swim. He can’t help but glance over his shoulder for the daylight to show that all of his friends are as good as dead.

“We’re here. Stay close to me,” Levi says when they reach the end of a tunnel.

“O-okay,” Armin replies in an unnaturally high voice.

“Are you ready?”

“I…no. Yes. Um…thank you,” Armin says.

“I’m going to count to three and open this door. Be ready to run,” Levi says with a smirk.

“I’m not a good runner,” Armin says quietly.

“I will drag you after me if I have to. Are you ready?” Levi says, gripping the wrist not concealing a knife tightly.

Armin nods.

“One…two…three.”

Levi pushes the door open and light floods the tunnel. Armin feels as if he’s gone blind, but he stumbles after Levi anyway. In the distance, he can see the titans as giant, dark shapes, blotting out the sun as they tear apart the tower. One is tearing at the cafeteria and the irony is not lost on Armin.  

He can barely keep on his feet as Levi yanks him after him across the street and to the small lot, filled with the teachers’ car. A titan with bug eyes and no hair spots them. It turns its massive head towards them and takes a few stumbling steps.

“No,” Armin breathes out.

Levi glances up. He stops momentarily and gazes at the creature with wide eyes before pulling Armin to a nice, black car. He unlocks it and shoves Armin in before sprinting to the other side and sliding in. The thing is close now. If it was just slightly larger, it could reach out and grab them. Armin can’t look. He covers his head and bites back a scream as the car revs to life and screeches out of the parking lot. The titan’s footsteps shake the ground beneath them and it reminds Armin of the earthquake from so long ago. He’s been in the car with his mother when it had happened and it felt like this. Like the world was ending and like he was going to die soon. As they drive, certainly breaking every speed law in the country, the footsteps lessen until they are gone altogether.

“Breathe,” Levi says.

Armin lets out a whimper as he takes a breath and dares to look out the windshield. They are already on the outskirts of the town. It looks like it always does.

“Put on your seatbelt,” Levi orders and Armin obeys as he looks back at the school. There is no rubble or giants. Just a gate and some hedges.

“It looks normal,” Armin says.

“The thing you’re fighting controls reality. Why shouldn’t it?” Levi asks.

Armin doesn’t answer. It makes sense.

“Thank you for driving me,” Armin says when the silence in the car is too much and they are stopped at a red light.

“You already thanked me. And it’s not like I have a choice. If I didn’t take you, you’d be dead. Erwin drives like an old man and Hange drives like a reckless idiot.”

“Oh.”

“So. In your dream, we fight those things?”

“Yes.”

“And we’re still alive?”

“Most of us, yes.”

“Are we different there?” Levi asks.

“A little. We’ve all see and done more. Professor Smith would sacrifice us if it meant saving the world,” Armin says.

“I still think he would. He just doesn’t see how a bunch of teenagers fighting giants is going to solve anything. Especially if we have a solution that won’t get them killed.”

"Do you think they’ll be okay?” Armin asks.

“Maybe. Hange’s smart. She’ll probably turn the campus into a bomb or something to try and take out those things.”

“Won’t that kill everyone?”

“She can find a way around it.”

“Maybe,” Armin says, twisting around in his seat.

“Is there a way for me to help you once we get to the hospital?” Levi asks.

“I don’t think so. Just wait. I’ll be back. Or I won’t be. If I’m not…tell the others I’m sorry,” Armin says.

Levi doesn’t say anything, but his hands tighten on the wheel.

“Professor Smith said that you remember Annie,” Armin says.

“I do. She’s quiet and a little intense. I caught her setting Hange’s lab animals free once. I didn’t stop her. It wasn’t really my business and she hadn’t cleaned the frog tank in ages. They were better outside,” Levi says.

“She’s a traitor,” Armin says.

“Then find a way to stop her. You’re smarter than she is. You can do it,” Levi says as they pull into the hospital parking lot. It is empty. The whole thing feels like a horror movie.

"I told your friend I’d protect you,” Levi says.

“I don’t know if you can,” Armin replies.

“I’m still coming with you.”

“I-I think that’s probably against the rules. If I…if I break the rules, I think something bad will happen or he’ll change them again and…and I don’t want…I wish you could come with me.”

Levi studies him silently for a while and then nods.

“You know more about this than I do. I’ll wait here,” Levi says, turning off the car.

He thinks that walking through the hospital doors by himself is quite possibly the bravest thing he’s ever done. The knife is warming against his skin. He knows what he has to do and it makes him calm. He walks through the empty halls until he reaches the room where Eren and Marco were.

Annie lies in Eren’s bed. Her eyes have dark shadows under them and her hair is greasy. A million feelings fill Armin’s head until he remembers what she is. Then it just gets worse.

“Hello, Armin. I was wondering when you’d get here,” the doctor says and Armin turns to face him.

He meets the doctor’s inhuman eyes and stands his ground. If he is going to die, he will die on his feet. Then they can all say he was brave. Then he can die with honor. He realizes he has placed himself between Annie and the doctor and if this is how it is at the end, then that’s fine.

“Well. Have you come to kill me?” the doctor asks and his voice is filled with mockery.

 Armin doesn’t think until he is already running towards the doctor, knife raised, screaming. He thinks that this is what Eren would do and he plunges the knife into the doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left! Hope you guys enjoyed. Thanks for reviewing and reading and all that good stuff. Also, who's ready for the new chapter, because I don't think I am...


	16. Method In It

The doctor stares at the knife in his stomach and then at Armin and then he laughs. He throws Armin across the room as if he is a rag doll and pulls the knife from his gut. Armin hits the ground with a thud and the air is knocked from his lungs. The doctor spins the knife in his hand casually.

“Did Ymir give you this? How…clever. Too bad she forgot to give you proper instructions. I am not so easily killed,” the doctor says, advancing on Armin.

Armin gets to his feet, head still spinning from his breathlessness. He grasps the windowsill behind him and leans on it. He will die on his feet.

“You, on the other hand,” the doctor says.

He throws the knife and Armin screams as it hits the wall next to his head. The doctor laughs again. Armin recovers quickly and reached around to pull the knife from the wall. It is embedded deeply. As he’s struggling, the doctor’s hand closes over his and he yanks it free, pulling Armin with him.

“Did you need some help?” the doctor asks.

Armin scrambles away from him. The doctor pauses by Annie and Armin is stuck between going to save her and letting whatever is about to happen happen. She betrayed him. She would let Mikasa and Eren die. She just wants to help herself. But he finds himself pushing the doctor away from her.

“Don’t play the hero. It doesn’t suit you,” the doctor sighs.

“Leave her alone. Isn’t this supposed to be between us?” Armin says.

“She helped you and it would upset you if anything happened to her. All’s fair in love and war, right?”

The doctor flicks out the knife and a long, scarlet line appears on Annie’s cheek. Armin tries to grab the knife from him, but it doesn’t do anything. Not really. It just gets Armin slammed to the ground again.

“Annie!” Armin yells as the doctor bends over her again and he kicks out with his feet.

In a nearly comical moment, the doctor loses his balance and comes toppling to the ground next to Armin. The knife goes flying and through some insane stroke of luck, Armin gets it first. He stabs the first bit of the doctor he can reach and then realizes something is so utterly wrong it makes him sick. The doctor doesn’t bleed. The knife sticks straight out of his hand and nothing happens. Armin can feel himself freezing, just like the roof in Trost. He doesn’t move as the doctor lifts him up and slams him on the mattress, spread awkwardly across Annie’s lap. As he presses the knife to Armin’s throat, all Armin can think is that he won’t die on his feet. He shuts his eyes and tries to conjure up Mikasa and Eren’s faces, but all he can see is his own black fear.

There is a grunt and Annie shifts under him. In a moment that seems to take minutes but can only take seconds, the knife is off his throat and Annie is gone. He opens his eyes and sees Annie grappling with the doctor for the knife. Her eyes are wild and there is something monstrous about her.

“Armin! The heart!” she screams as the knife falls from the doctor’s hand and hits the floor with a loud clang.

He stabs the knife into his chest and knows he has won. He got straight As in anatomy. He knows where the heart is.  

A giant hand closes around him as the hospital collapses around them. It’s unbearably hot and Armin can only hope the building doesn’t crush Levi in Professor Smith’s car.

When the building stops shaking, he is set on the ground with the utmost gentleness. With a cry of something like relief, Annie bursts from her titan and runs to Armin. She pulls him into a hug and **they are alone.**

**She lets him go and she is crying. He stares at her and watches in wonder as the cut on her cheek heals.**

**“You were going to betray me,” he says.**

**“No. I was going to save you,” Annie replies.**

**“You would have let the others die.”**

**“Eren would still be alive.”**

**“I don’t care. I mean, I do, but…why?” Armin asks. There is still hope she isn’t as bad as she seems to be. He can hold onto that. He feels like he always will be able to.**

**“Because I like you. I like you and I don’t want you die. I’ve been…I’ve been doing this my whole life. And I’m tired of it, yes, but if you lost, if I kept having to do this over and over and over again, I wanted you to be there.”**

**“You’re selfish,” Armin says quietly.**

**"Don’t act surprised. I’m not a good person, Armin. You know that.”**

**“But you’re not all bad, are you? You tried to save us in the other world and you set Dr. Hange’s animals free.”**

**Annie doesn’t answer. Armin suspects that she doesn’t believe him.**

**“Are you going to keep your promise?” Annie asks.**

**“Yes. Come on. Let’s go home,” Armin says.**

**He offers her hand and she takes it. They step forward** into the ruins of the hospital. Armin doesn’t know if he trusts her, or if h forgive her betrayal, but suddenly he has the luxury of figuring out what he feels without having to worry about being eaten by giants or too realistic dreams.

"Did I really kill him?” Armin asks.

“Yes,” Annie replies. She looks as tired as he feels.

"And you remember everything?”

“Yes. You know, he made a mistake.”

“What?” Armin asks.

“He tried to kill you when you were near me. It woke me up. In a way, he brought this on himself,” Annie says.

She smiles and puts a hand on Armin’s cheek, trying to pull him into a kiss, but he shrugs away. Disappointment is written across her face before it settles into its old neutral expression.

“Oh,” she says.

“You were ready to let the others die,” Armin says.

“No. I was ready to save you. There’s a difference. I would have mourned the others. I just…I like them. I had friends for the first time and it is not easy to let them go, but it would have been worth it.”

“I would have hated you.”

“But you don’t now, do you?”

Armin looks at her a moment before shaking his head.

“Good. I don’t think I could stand it if you hated me,” Annie says as she takes his hand and kisses it. “Thank you for saving me.”

“We need to find Levi. He drove me,” Armin says.

“I’m surprised he took you. He’s immune to our…his, the doctor’s, magic. Mikasa too.”

“He remembered you letting Dr. Hange’s frogs go. I think he liked that,” Armin says.

“Those frogs deserved to be free. I don’t like seeing things in cages,” Annie replies.

 “I don’t either,” Armin says.

When they find Levi, he is sitting in the car across the street from the hospital. There is a large dent in the hood, but otherwise it is okay. He smiles when he sees Armin and Annie and Armin thinks it is the first time he has seen him truly smile.

“You lived,” he says like it is a miracle.

“I did. Can we go back to the school? I want to make sure the others are okay,” Armin says.

“Sure.”

Armin and Annie get in the backseat. No one talks on the drive back. Annie falls asleep as soon as the car starts and Armin watches her, looking for a hint of the monster, but it’s gone. As they near the school, he realizes that he never let go of her hand.  

As they round the corner of the drive, all Armin can see is smoke.

“Shit,” Levi says and Armin feels that it sums everything up nicely.

The school is in ruins. Titans root through them on the east side of campus like over-sized pigs hunting for truffles. He can’t see anyone else. It is all his fault.

“Where is everyone?” Armin asks, his panic rising.

“We’ll find them,” Levi answers.

They’ve stopped just inside the gate. The relief that had filled Armin’s chest has disappears. Next to him, Annie shifts and opens her eyes sleepily. She takes a quick look at the school, unbuckles her seat belt, and steps out of the car.

“Annie!” Armin calls after her.

“Find the others. I’ll take care of everything else,” she says, gives him a small smile, and is a monster again.

Levi guns the car before Armin can stop him. His hands are white on the wheel and his eyes are wide. Armin twists in his seat to see Annie running towards the titans. He wants to stop her or help her or do something. He doesn’t, though. He knows he can’t and that just makes it that much harder.

“You said the titans are attracted to humans?” Levi asks.

Armin nods mutely.

“Okay.”

They drive towards the titans and it goes against every single ounce of self-preservation Armin has. He watches as Annie scatters them like droplets of water, letting out a terrible scream when she slams one to the ground, making the earth shake. When their way is blocked by the wreckage of the gymnasium, Levi stops the car. Armin can feel himself shaking. He has never been so close to the giants in this world. In the other world, he can fly away. Here, he has no defense.

“We’ll go back into the tunnels. Hopefully, the others are still down there somewhere. We need to run. Stay with me,” Levi says.

“Okay,” Armin replies.

The thought of seeing Eren and Mikasa keeps him from completely crumbling in terror as he unbuckles his seatbelt and steps out of the car.  Levi locks the car in what seems to be force of habit and leads Armin into the wreckage. As he struggles through the remains of the gym, climbing over mounds of broken concrete and torn floorboards, it occurs to him that he is slowing Levi down. Guilt weighs heavily upon him.

“Why don’t you go ahead? I can wait here,” Armin says, panting and covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

“No. Eren and Mikasa would kill me. Besides, I don’t want to,” Levi says and leaves it at that.

Armin’s legs feel weak and his breath is coming in pants. Above him, Annie grapples with a titan. There are three left and they have converged upon her. Armin freezes as he watches one bite her shoulder. He jumps when Levi puts a hand on his shoulder. He can feel him tense and then relax next to him.

“Jean!” Levi yells.

There is a strangled cheer in response and a soot stained Jean appears from the remains of the cafeteria.

“You’re alive!” Jean says, his smile bright against the grey streaks that cover his face.

“What happened?” Armin asks in a soft, scared voice.

“Dr. Hange blew up the school. It was…it was incredible,” Jean says, the whiteness of his smile standing out from his grey skin.

“I had a feeling she would,” Levi mutters.

“It took out two, but we had to run. We're at the upper soccer field. This new one came in and just started beating the crap out of the others, so that’s good,” Jean says.

“Is everyone okay?” Armin asks.

“Yeah. I saw you guys drive in and came to get you. Whatever that new on is, she’s saving our asses. I think we’re gonna make it.”

“Let’s go. We can watch from there,” Levi says.

As they walk to the soccer field, Jean give them a play by play of the explosion and the escape and the fact that Sasha nearly died twice, but someone managed to take one out with her bow. Armin gives the quickest possible explanation of what happened at the hospital. He tries to explain Annie, but stops. When it’s over, he’ll tell them. Hopefully, the fact that she just took out another titan will make them leave her alone.

When they reach the upper soccer field, Mikasa and Eren run to him, pulling him into a tight hug. He thinks they all are crying just a little, and he can’t tell if it’s from relief or fear. Levi goes to the other teachers and explains what is going on. Armin sits between Mikasa and Eren as they watch the fight. The others are silent and covered in soot and dirt and small scrapes. Sasha wears a grim look and Krista talks to her quietly. When Annie stumbles, Armin feels a tightness in his chest and can’t look. A groan from the others around him sounds as the earth shakes and he knows she’s fallen. Panic grips him. It can’t be for more than a few seconds, because he knows what to do. Annie told him. It is betrayal and it will hurt, but he needs to save her. He needs to save all of them. Chaos is erupting around him as the teachers tell them to stand, tell them they need to leave. Armin grabs Eren by the arm in the confusions and pulls him aside.

“I need to tell you something,” Armin says.

“What?” Eren asks.

Armin takes a breath. Mikasa is at Eren’s shoulder. Her eyes are pleading with him not to, but he can ignore her. This is more important. He thinks maybe he understands Annie just a little bit better now.

“You’re like Annie. You can turn into a titan. You need to help her,” he says. His words feel like shattering glass.

Eren blinks at him in confusion and he shakes his head.

“No I’m not,” Eren says, but Armin can feel his lack of conviction.

“Yes, you are. Remember what I told you about the other world?”

“I’m not like her!” Eren yells.

"You aren’t. You’re better,” Mikasa says softly.

Armin feels like the world has closed in to just the three of them. He can hear Levi calling for them and see Jean hurrying over to drag them away, but none of it matters.

“You can save us. I…in the end, just come back,” Mikasa says.

Eren looks sacred. Armin can’t remember the last time he saw him looking so scared. When he nods, Armin wants to stop him. Tell him it was a joke and run away with the others. If they die, at least they die together.

“How?” he asks.

“Okay. I, um, I guess you should stand back,” Eren says.

Time slows as Eren runs away from the group. Mikasa grips his hand so hard he thinks it might break. Levi and Jean and everyone else are calling after him and asking him what the hell he’s doing. When he reaches the edge of the field, Eren turns back to give Armin and Mikasa one last look before facing forward. Armin closes his eyes and Mikasa lets out a soft sob as the blast of Eren’s transformation threatens to knock him from his feet.

The fight is short. Eren’s already volatile temper is amplified when he is a titan, but Armin expected that. He rips the head off one of the titans bent over Annie and tears the other one apart as if it were made of tissue paper. No one makes a sound. When it is over, Eren lets out a final scream and collapses with a resounding thud.

Armin does not remember running to them, he just remembers finding them. Annie’s titan has already half dissolved around her and Eren has half pulled himself from the nape of his titan’s neck. Mikasa hurries to yank him fully out and Armin drops to his knees by Annie. He reaches out to take her pulse and smiles when he feels it beating strongly beneath his fingers. When everyone gathers around Annie, Reiner stands next to him.

“Oh. It’s Annie. Weird. I feel like I almost forgot her,” he says.

“Um, can you help her? I need-”

“Yeah. Go check on Eren,” Reiner says, sitting next to Annie.

Eren is half conscious. Mikasa has him slung over her shoulder and Dr. Hange is checking him over for injuries, muttering continuously to herself about scientific breakthroughs and whether or not she can actually research this.

“Dr. Hange?” Armin asks

“Hm?” she asks, reluctantly turning towards him.

“I think Annie needs some help too,” Armin says.

“Oh my God! That’s right. There’s two of them!”

She hurries to Reiner and Annie and Armin can’t help but think she looks like a kid on Christmas morning.

He helps Mikasa lie Eren down and lifts his head as she slides her scarf under it. Eren reaches for both of their hands and for a moment the three of them sit. Armin can’t help but feel like something else is going to happen. Monsters are going to come out from the rubble. Eren is going to stop breathing. The doctor is going to come back. But none of that happens. The moment isn’t perfect. The school is gone and he thinks they will be sent home. Ymir and Bertholdt have vanished and no one seems to notice, besides Krista, who sits by herself in confusion with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“It’s over,” he says quietly.

“And Eren’s still here,” Mikasa replies.

“The doctor died before he transformed. Maybe he just needed to be kept in the dark until after he was gone.”

“Maybe.”

Armin glances at Dr. Hange’s hunched form. Below her, Annie’s pale blue eyes open and meet his. He smiles at her and she closes them. He can forgive her in that moment, when everyone is alive and Eren is still there and the monsters are defeated. He knows she just wanted to keep him safe and she reminds him a bit of Mikasa in that way.             

Armin watches as Sasha and Connie do a victory dance, dragging Jean in to join them and Reiner comforts Krista and Dr. Hange finishes examining Annie and Professor Smith and Levi talk the logistics of keeping the school open with smiles on their faces. They are alive and the world feels so much bigger now.

“Well?” Mikasa asks. “What do we do now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left! Its really more of an epilogue that ties up various loose ends. Thanks for reading! I really do hope you guys have been enjoying this. Also, I'm sorry this was later than usual. My job upped my hours, which means more money (yay!) but less free time (boo!). The last bit will hopefully be up at some point next week.


	17. But A Dream

In the months since it happened, Armin feels like he’s done nothing but sleep. He delights in his normal dreams, even the nightmares about giants that feel like they belong to the other world. The others talked about everything that had happened constantly for the first few weeks, but soon enough stories of giants and nightmares were replaced with worries about tests and big games and a thousand more mundane things. No one remembers Bertoldt of Ymir besides Mikasa, Eren, Annie, himself, and, sometimes at least, Krista. Annie says that this is because they were like her and they were taken from this world when the doctor died. She says that Reiner is like her too and that he probably never remembered. She says that she isn’t surprised. He has always had trouble with memory. She says that she is lucky to be here and so is Eren.

The school is relocated. The other students are brought back and told that there had been a massive gas leak, which had started a massive fire, and those left were lucky to escape with their lives. They believe it because in a way it’s true. That Dr. Hange rigged what amounted to a gigantic bomb under the school and that they faced greater danger from being eaten by giants than burning to death is almost beside the point.

A few weeks after the doctor has left, Marco wakes up. He's weak and they say it will take time, but he should recover. Armin went with Jean to visit him once. He almost looked like his old self. 

It is spring now and Eren is finally keeping the promise he made in both worlds. The train ride will take a few hours. Krista’s family has a house in a small beach town. It's the kind of place with a Yacht Club, a historic town center, and old, shingled houses weathered by the sea with rose gardens. It is agreed almost unanimously that they should all go for Spring Break. They need a break.

Across the small table, Eren sleeps, head resting on Mikasa’s shoulder while she reads her book. Armin looks out the window and watches the towns give way to small towns. He thinks if could roll down the window, he might be able to smell the sea. Next to him, Annie leans across the aisle to talk softly with Krista. He never told anyone about her betrayal. He says that she was forgotten because she was close to him and helping him too much. No one questions it. No one wants to.

They spend their days together now. Annie sat next to him at meals and during breaks while he talked to Eren and Mikasa, only breaking into the conversation occasionally. They argued over the deal she had made a million times until Armin was so sick of it he felt like he could scream. Now, she is a constant presence, like Eren has been since he was five, and he finds that she is becoming just as much a part of him, but in a different way. He thinks that even if he is always a little angry with her for what she did, he will never cut her out of his life. She has become essential in some way.

When they reach the end of the line, Krista instructs everyone to grab their bags and follow her. They make a loud, happy, herd as they walk through a town just waking up for Spring Break. Her house is less than a mile from the train station. Armin can feel the excitement building in him as the air becomes saltier and the cry of gulls mingles with the faint sound of the waves.

“Can you hear it?” Eren asks when they are a mere block from the ocean.

Armin just nods. His face has broken into a childish grin and his eyes are bright. He feels several years younger and it is taking the majority of his self-control not to kick off his shoes, tear through a neatly manicured yard, and dive into the ocean.

Krista’s house is large and old. It smells like salt. She directs everyone to their rooms and then says that they are welcome to anything in the fridge. She has become bolder and more authoritative since Ymir left. Annie says that she asked her if she knew how to get her back, but Annie had kept quiet. She says there is no way, but Armin has a feeling Krista will figure it out.

When Krista is done explaining, their group breaks up. Connie, Sasha, and Krista go to the kitchen to make snacks and he, Eren, Mikasa, Annie, and Jean go to the beach.

The ocean is exactly what he imagined and more. It is a cool day, so he won’t swim. That doesn’t stop him from running to the waves, rolling up his pants and sticking his feet in the surf. He stares at the horizon and imagines someone across the ocean, on the Western shore of Europe, staring back at him. He wonders if they’ll see a whale and screams with joy when a large wave nearly knocks him off his feet. Mikasa grabs the collar of his shirt to stop him from falling. She and Eren are next to him. He hadn’t noticed.

“Well?” she asks.

Armin can’t answer. He just turns to her and smiles. She returns it and it seems like something in her relaxes.

“I bet we can at least jump in later this week,” Eren says, bending down to pick up a shell.

"Good,” Armin says and takes the shell form Eren. It is a white clam shell, nothing special, but he puts it in his pocket anyway.

When his feet start to feel numb, he goes back to the beach where Jean and Annie sit in semi-awkward silence. Annie was not friendly to begin with, but the ordeal seems to have made her just a little bit more withdrawn. She told Armin once, during one of their fights, it was because she wasn’t actually human. He hadn’t been able to answer that and so had let the fight die, though her words followed him for weeks.

“Jaeger! Want to play?” Jean yells, throwing a soccer ball to Eren.

“Yeah! I’m gonna kick your ass. Come on, Mikasa,” Eren says, already kicking the ball towards Jean.

Mikasa follows with something like a long suffering sigh and Armin watches them with a grin.

“You guys want to play?” Jean asks, expertly kicking the ball to Mikasa much gentler than he had to Eren.

“No. I don’t like soccer,” Armin says and Annie shakes her head.

Jean and Eren’s taunts and Mikasa’s harsh warnings whenever one of them nearly gets hit in the face with the ball mingle with the gulls and the sound of the waves. Armin wonders how he lived this long without the beach. It feels like he wasted fifteen years.

“Look,” Annie says, pointing to a dark shape on the shore.

“Horseshoe crab!” Armin exclaims and runs to it.

With the soft laugh he has come to recognize, Annie follows him.

The creature is on its back, its legs waving and long, sharp tail striking the sand. It is comic in a sad way. Armin is already bending down to help it when Annie throws out an arm to stop him.

“It might hurt you,” she says.

“No. They’re harmless. I know the tail looks terrifying, but they just use it for righting themselves. Or I think they swing it out if they’re startled. So it might hit you, but it doesn’t sting or bite. Its mouth is on its…it’s here. Between its legs. See?” Armin says, picking up a piece of driftwood to point to the creature’s mouth as Annie watches him with a bemused look. “They’re really old, you know. I think they haven’t evolved since…the Paleozoic era.”

“Are you going to help it?” Annie asks, kneeling next to him.

“Oh. Yeah,” Armin says.

He grabs the hard tail and lifts the crab, setting it down so that it is right side up and faces the sea.

“They aren’t really crabs. They’re arthropods. And they have blue blood,” Armin says because he can’t seem to stop talking about the creatures.

“Some people just fling them back in,” Annie says.

“That’s cruel.”

“I guess. You aren’t cruel.”

Armin shrugs and watches the crab make its way to the sea. The air between them feels heavy with something he can’t quite identify.

“Armin?” Annie says and he looks at her.

“Yes?” he replies. Her face is soft and human. The monster she was seems a million life times ago.

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

"I have,” he says quietly and looks back at the horseshoe crab. He wonders if he could crawl into the sea with it.

“But you still don’t agree with me.”

“No. And I don’t think I will, so don’t ask-”

She stops him with a kiss and he can feel himself blush even as he relaxes into it. They have barely touched each other since the school burned and he doesn’t blame her. There is still anger between them and maybe there always will be. She doesn’t seem to care and maybe he doesn’t either. When they break apart, he glances at his friends, who are oblivious, so he holds her for just a little bit long as they watch the sea and shiver in the cool, spring air. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!
> 
> Thank you everyone who has read and commented and left kudos! You are all amazing. I hope you enjoyed this story, which ended up being just a little bit longer than I thought it would. Like I said at the very, very beginning, this is super loosely based on the world of Bones of the Moon by Jonathan Carroll, which is one of my absolute favorite books and I highly recommend it. 
> 
> There is a chance I'll do some sort of sequel, because I like this world, but I won't make any promises and will say that nothing will happen until the semester ends. Well, some stuff might. Because writing is fun. But nothing this involved.
> 
> So thanks again for reading. If nothing else, I hoped you at least learned some fun facts about horseshoe crabs, because they are super interesting, even if they haunted my nightmares when I was a small child.


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